Kr5istofer's Thoughts

I feel a lot better today. This weekend sucked again, mostly cause my friends were avoiding me again. I did get to see Rich, and his chain for a few min. It was nice. They were at a pool hall called Ozz here in town. I also saw Adam and Amber there, I love them so much. Worlds most perfect couple, in my mind. He was going to be my brother in law at one point, that didn't work out, but in a way he is still my brother. He married amber, one of my many best friends, and sort of sister. Mike and Darci were there too, I saw Mike's car again, damn I want a WRX. I will have one soon enough. I went to all three hours of my church meetings yesterday. I really like the new Bishopric. They are so friendly, and more importantly they remember my name. I saw a lot of new people in the ward that I don't recognize, but there were some of the old usualls. Peter was there, I think I am still anti-God to him, cause he wouldn't say more than 3 words to me as I passed. Man I hate it when my friends change, or quit listening to me and make assumptions as to what is wrong with ME. That really bugged me, but other than that it was cool. I got the courage to offer my testimony to the congregation, it was cool. Jenna and I had a sort of fight, I think I really pissed her off. I think I deserve it though, she is really trying her best to make everyone around her happy, but it's not working for me. I saw my family a while on Sunday too. That night I went to ward prayer, which was the highlight of my weekend, I met a lot of cool people, and a girl that plays guitar! She actually approached me, and asked me if I played, probably because I was chewing on my pick again. We talked for a while, and she asked me if I would be interested in playing guitar for her and her friends at a bon-fire that they do about 3 times a month. Of course I agreed, I'm always looking for a way to pull an "Intentional Acoustic Romanticism". We exchanged phone numbers, and she told me I should call her. This is where I dig for courage, it has been buried behind so many walls and chains, I don't know how to find it. I'm going to go to FHE tonight, partially because I hope to run into her, and because I need to be social. I think I shot myself in the foot with my friends, and I don't know how to fix it. (I know you are reading this and I'm sorry) I need to get over my fears of how people treat me. My auto defense reactions need to change. I run from everything that may be hard, I can't keep doing that. I'm running out of loved ones. So here I go, I have turned my back to the shadows, and I'm staring into the sun. I can do it... Pray for me...