Here we are. 14 months after starting this blog, and tonight is a night to remember. It's the last one in Utah. I have spent most of the day packing. I took some time to have lunch with my brother and his family. I took a lot of pictures of his kids. They are so cool! Then I got to go have Sushi with Arielle, I haven't seen her in a very long time. It was so good to see her, I can't even begin to tell you how nice that was. She stopped returning phone calls in October. I saw her as I was leaving the Thrice concert in Salt Lake, but I was too drunk to talk. I thought she stopped talking to me because of that, but I was wrong. There was a lot going on. She is due to have a baby in a few months, May to be exact. She understandably went into a cave and seldom surfaced. Her phone was disconnected after a while, and I thought she was dead. I found out I was wrong when I ran into her at a restaurant where we were both going to celebrate our birthdays that night. A month later and I'm heading to Denver, and I got to see her. I adore her, and hope the best for her. I tried to pack some more, but no luck, I couldn't sit still.
I was going to go out with Christena tonight, and we did, but it was hard to imagine what was going to happen. She flat out asked me to marry her on Friday of last week. I was very flattered, but I can't marry her. She doesn't want to be a Mormon. A few years a go that wouldn't have mattered to me, but now it does. I don't say that because I don't think she is worthy of me, that is dead last in all reasons, but I say that because I don't want it to be harder than it already is to go to church and follow what I know is right. I can't step into a role where I play God's advocate to her, while she constantly fights. I know that it would be that way. All that aside, I felt like a dick for not treating her question with the right response. I said it would be fun and that we would have to see. Now in my experience with women I thought that would be a good response, but NOOOOOOOO! I was dead wrong, and I hurt her more that I think she tells me. I mean I'm moving to Denver, I'm a mess as far as my emotions go, and my feelings are a lot stronger for someone else. Not that she knows that last part, but still. I can't think about what could, or what if or anything now. I'm turning my back on my world tomorrow morning and I am waving goodbye. What did she expect? We managed to talk it over and I apologized for my lack of attention, and I asked her if we could see where we are in a year. I hope she softens up, and makes some different choices. That is a lot about her, and I will have to write more later, there are other things I want to cover.
I was going through some boxes of things that were still packed from the last time I moved. I found a broken shoe box full of pictures that I decided to go through. (I have OCD when it comes to moving and everything has to be labeled so I can find it later) Looking through the pictures transported me to each moment where they were taken. I saw my birthday party at the SCERA that Sarah threw for me. All the smells and energy from that night was there. Homecoming my Junior year, and how bad I looked wearing a Bugs Bunny tie, with corduroy slacks on. Going to Prom with Christena, and then the next year with Krista. Homecoming with Sarah, Ali was all dressed up, and Amber looked awesome, not to mention my date. That was an awesome night too. I found a lot of pictures of my crew at the SCERA. Talus and Steve when they tore down the old paint shed, and back when I had a hat that said BONG on it. I found pictures of when my band first played. I had beached blonde hair, which was really stupid looking, but it was still me. I have a lot to remember and be grateful for. If you are reading this then you have impacted my life in one way or another, and in return I hope I have impacted you. Anything else would be pointless. I love you, whoever you are. And I will see you soon.
-Kr5is
"The 5 is sil5ent"
I was going to go out with Christena tonight, and we did, but it was hard to imagine what was going to happen. She flat out asked me to marry her on Friday of last week. I was very flattered, but I can't marry her. She doesn't want to be a Mormon. A few years a go that wouldn't have mattered to me, but now it does. I don't say that because I don't think she is worthy of me, that is dead last in all reasons, but I say that because I don't want it to be harder than it already is to go to church and follow what I know is right. I can't step into a role where I play God's advocate to her, while she constantly fights. I know that it would be that way. All that aside, I felt like a dick for not treating her question with the right response. I said it would be fun and that we would have to see. Now in my experience with women I thought that would be a good response, but NOOOOOOOO! I was dead wrong, and I hurt her more that I think she tells me. I mean I'm moving to Denver, I'm a mess as far as my emotions go, and my feelings are a lot stronger for someone else. Not that she knows that last part, but still. I can't think about what could, or what if or anything now. I'm turning my back on my world tomorrow morning and I am waving goodbye. What did she expect? We managed to talk it over and I apologized for my lack of attention, and I asked her if we could see where we are in a year. I hope she softens up, and makes some different choices. That is a lot about her, and I will have to write more later, there are other things I want to cover.
I was going through some boxes of things that were still packed from the last time I moved. I found a broken shoe box full of pictures that I decided to go through. (I have OCD when it comes to moving and everything has to be labeled so I can find it later) Looking through the pictures transported me to each moment where they were taken. I saw my birthday party at the SCERA that Sarah threw for me. All the smells and energy from that night was there. Homecoming my Junior year, and how bad I looked wearing a Bugs Bunny tie, with corduroy slacks on. Going to Prom with Christena, and then the next year with Krista. Homecoming with Sarah, Ali was all dressed up, and Amber looked awesome, not to mention my date. That was an awesome night too. I found a lot of pictures of my crew at the SCERA. Talus and Steve when they tore down the old paint shed, and back when I had a hat that said BONG on it. I found pictures of when my band first played. I had beached blonde hair, which was really stupid looking, but it was still me. I have a lot to remember and be grateful for. If you are reading this then you have impacted my life in one way or another, and in return I hope I have impacted you. Anything else would be pointless. I love you, whoever you are. And I will see you soon.
-Kr5is
"The 5 is sil5ent"
You said, "It would be fun." You are correct, that was definitely the WRONG thing to say. Marriage is hard and it's not a game. Don't step into it with the wrong partner. Christena is not for you, or rather you are not for Christena. She's a mess and you know it. And seriously, you deserve much better. And yes you will find that girl. I'm so very proud of you. This is a great step. You have indeed influenced me for the good. I have a head full of wonderful memories and lesson's learned. "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger," thank you for making me stronger. ;) Oh and that drinking thing, might I suggest that you kick that habit, as I say, "You've done enough crazy things without the help of alcohol." Life is stimulating enough without it. Good luck, I'm routing for you.
Don't worry. Habbit kicked... I haven't had anything to drink since that night.