Kr5istofer's Thoughts

Lets see a lot has happened since I last gave you something to read. I saw West Side Story two weeks ago and my friend Melissa was in it. I adore that girl, she has always had a hug and a smile ready every time I see her. If you know me at all you may know that West Side is my favorite musical of all time. I don't know why but I tend to admire and love the things that can rip your heart out. All of my favorite movies are ones that make you feel so sorry for the characters involved, Shawshank Redemption, Braveheart, American Beauty, I love all these titles, and even musicals. West Side Story, Les Miserables and Children of Eden are from what I remember the only musicals that ever made me cry. Wait Phantom did too, but they are mostly tragedies. Either way this version of West Side Story was no different. The second act is so powerful and meaningful, it will bring me to tears every time I see it. After the show Melissa invited me to a party at her house the next night, which I was so excited to go to. I went over there and got to see and take some pictures of a lot of people I miss already. Melissa Thorne, Melissa Lindsay, Sarah, and Amanda. It was so awesome to see them and get to sort of say goodbye. I don't think they know but the two Melissas have always been an inspiration to me, and helped me find a good balance between living in the world and living of the world. I also got to go have dinner and talk with my second dad Dave Whitlock, that was something I will always remember. I don't remember much else about that weekend accept for a drive Jenna and I took. We went up by the Sundance resort and talked about the church and my relationship with God. I was being belligerent. (sorry) But she was right, as she usually always is. I took Monday off work, and did nothing. It was cool. My last day wasn't hard for me, I had an exit interview and gave them my thoughts on how poorly support is being dealt with. Then it was over. I cleaned out my desk, made some copies of the DTX software... Shhhh... and left. This has sort of turned in to an order of events post, but it's not that at all. I didn't do anything the rest of the week really. I went Scuba Diving on Friday and Saturday this last weekend, and I am now certified as a Scuba Diver. Hells yes! Saturday night Jenna and her roommate were gracious enough to let a lot of people come over for a party I was throwing. Jenna and I spent 110 dollars total on the party but it was well worth it. Everyone came, and it was a better opportunity to say "until next time" to a lot of people. My hero Cody was in town, he's my cousin as well as a hero, I loved talking with him and all his friends. Roberto helped me cook, Brandon and his daughter Serenity came. All walks of life all who have influenced me in one way or another were all in the same room. Those are the events, now here are the feeling behind them. I have never had a better friend than Jenna, yeah I get frustrated at her at times, but it has nothing to do with our friendship, it's me being a stupid male. She has done so much for me as a friend, these things have only began materializing into view for me to see. I will miss her the most. I look forward to seeing her in May or April when her mom goes to Denver. Christena, now that is a whole set of weird mixed and hard emotions for me to understand. I love that girl so much, but I can't be with her. 8 years of friendship, love, and trust isn't enough to go off of. She isn't the one I really want to be with, even though I think it sometimes. I really wish she would find her roots in faith again. I want to be a Mormon, and she doesn't. She says that may change in time, but I can't trade my salvation for a maybe. She would kill me if I said that to her, so I don't. I hope I'm not stringing her along, but in the end I think I am. I need to tell her. She is coming to Denver in April to see me. Should I wait till then? No, that would be rude, and selfish or cowardly. I know there are a lot of things to look forward to in the years to come, but I can't see them. I really try and see past the brick wall that will hit me when I put Jenna on the airplane one week from today.... and say goodbye. I know there is so much I can still do here, but will it limit my potential elsewhere. I don't know what to do, or who to ask for a shoulder to cry on, and hold me for a few min. I have to remain positive though. Thanks for reading my life. Tell me do you want to hear this?