Everything I post here is to literal. I feel so exposed when I post something. It's a good thing, but I find I don't post stuff because I am afraid of what people will think when they read it. I have too many fears, and so much stuff that I should not be afraid to mention to my friends that do read this blog. I put up a lot of walls lately, and I'm having a hard time taking them back down. I accused Jenna of this last night, but I think I'm the one that is guilty. I realized that as I drove home my walls were up, and I am the reason things were, are or will be weird. I'm ready to make changes, I'm trying to find time to begin going to the gym again. I stopped going in the winter of 2003, and after that I put on 30 lbs. I feel so disgusting in appearence, and I want to change it. I feel very healthy, but I don't look it. I have successfully felt the presence of God in my life. It happened at a ward prayer I went to a few weeks ago. I haven't told anybody about it yet, but I felt something again. The warm sensation you feel when the spirit is near. It sent tingles all over my body, and I cried.... In a nice way....
I'm in love with an old song again. I can't get enough of it. It is on repeat while I'm at work, and it puts me in a place that I want to be in.
*** God of Wine - Third Eye Blind
Every thought that I repent,
There's another chip you haven't spent,
And you're cashing them all in,
Where do we begin. To get clean again,
Can we get clean again.
I walk home alone with you, And the mood you're born into,
Sometimes you let me in, And I take it on the chin.
I can't get clean again. I want to know,
Can we get clean again,
The God of Wine comes crashing through the headlights of a car
that, took you farther than you thought you'd ever want to go,
We can't get back again, We can't get back again
She takes a drink and then she waits,
The alcohol it permeates,
And soon the cells give way, And cancels out the day.
I can't keep it all together (It's been all (or "It's the world)......Stuck underneath the moon), I know I know I know I know I know I know I know...I can't keep it all together
(It's been all......Stuck underneath the moon).
And the siren's song that is your madness,
Holds a truth I can't erase, All alone on your face.
Every glamorous sunrise, Throws the planets out of line,
A star sign out of whack, A fraudulent zodiac.
And the God of Wine is crouched down in my room,
You let me down, I said it,
Now I'm going down, you're not even around.
And I said no no no no no no no no no...
I can't keep it all together,
(It's been all......Stuck underneath the moon),
I know I know I know I know I know I know I know...I can't keep it all together,
(It's been all......Stuck underneath the moon),
And there's a memory of a window, Looking through I see you.
Searching for something, I could never give you,
There's someone who understands you more than I do.
A sadness I can't erase. All alone on your face.
I'm in love with an old song again. I can't get enough of it. It is on repeat while I'm at work, and it puts me in a place that I want to be in.
*** God of Wine - Third Eye Blind
Every thought that I repent,
There's another chip you haven't spent,
And you're cashing them all in,
Where do we begin. To get clean again,
Can we get clean again.
I walk home alone with you, And the mood you're born into,
Sometimes you let me in, And I take it on the chin.
I can't get clean again. I want to know,
Can we get clean again,
The God of Wine comes crashing through the headlights of a car
that, took you farther than you thought you'd ever want to go,
We can't get back again, We can't get back again
She takes a drink and then she waits,
The alcohol it permeates,
And soon the cells give way, And cancels out the day.
I can't keep it all together (It's been all (or "It's the world)......Stuck underneath the moon), I know I know I know I know I know I know I know...I can't keep it all together
(It's been all......Stuck underneath the moon).
And the siren's song that is your madness,
Holds a truth I can't erase, All alone on your face.
Every glamorous sunrise, Throws the planets out of line,
A star sign out of whack, A fraudulent zodiac.
And the God of Wine is crouched down in my room,
You let me down, I said it,
Now I'm going down, you're not even around.
And I said no no no no no no no no no...
I can't keep it all together,
(It's been all......Stuck underneath the moon),
I know I know I know I know I know I know I know...I can't keep it all together,
(It's been all......Stuck underneath the moon),
And there's a memory of a window, Looking through I see you.
Searching for something, I could never give you,
There's someone who understands you more than I do.
A sadness I can't erase. All alone on your face.
You've got to stop blaming yourself for my walls. My walls are not because of you, and it's NOT all your fault if things are ever weird. You expect too much out of yourself and you should ease up a bit. Despite how this might not be what I normally endorse, don't rush to take down your walls. Right now I'm not about to, so I see no reason you should. I mean, as long as it isn't unhealthy to have them. You're awesome Kris, you shouldn't worry as much as you do.
Thank you. Maybe I'll stop being conciterate and just go for what I want regardless of the concequences. (I really can't spell) I have to be cautious, if I'm not I lose everything.
Thanks for the song recommend, man. I'm excited to listen to it. I think I might even have it on my hard drive. Yippee!!