So a new update. I added the song of the day section to the blog. I'm going to try and update it once a day, but I don't think I will. I need to find a host that will allow me to use 20GB of File transfers each month. I'm looking for one now. I am also going to register my domain name. www.kristoferharrison.com That would be sweet! I'm going to use it to host MP3's for my band, and this blog. YAY! I can't wait to get back into web page publishing again.
So Karissa is gone from my life, she said goodbye to me on Saturday. She suggested that we "hook up" when she comes back to visit. I said that sounds like fun, but I didn't mean it. I think I'm going to just let it go. She is figuring out who she is and messed me up in the process. (she is not the only one to blame) I had a hard time being at Rich's open house for the wedding. I didn't belong there. Everyone my friends were associating with were not people I know, and I didn't feel so good on top of that. So I went into the chapel and rested. I prayed a lot too. I'm not sure what for, but it was a prayer no less. I really want to strike up that conversation again. I have realized that who I am is not somebody that people want, so I am changing. I hope people notice, I hope as a result I will feel better about the reason that I am here. Sometimes the only reason I think that I'm here is because I need to help my friends find happiness. Nobody ever looks twice at me, why do I care? Why does this bother me? Why do I have an inferiority complex? Why have all my good decisions been disastrous? Why am I afraid of growing up? These are all questions that go through my head every day. Why am I not good enough for you? That question will always be in my mind, there is no avoiding it. Is it possible for someone to love me? To look past my ugly face, and horrible appearance? That is why I wish I was someone else. Nobody sees me involved in their life further than a year.
I hate this. You don't know what you people do to me. It's tearing me up. You make this world miserable for anyone that is not as fickle and vain as you. Am I supposed to be ashamed of who I am or where I come from? Fuck you and Fuck that! Nobody is better than anybody, and the quicker you realize that the better off everyone will be. This has really been eating at me lately. I don't know how to put it without griping or being upset, so I haven't been talking a lot to my friends. Jenna you were right, something has been bothering me, but I hope you know why I didn't want to talk about it. I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. Maybe I need therapy or something. Maybe I shouldn't let things get to me like they do. I am after all only human.
So Karissa is gone from my life, she said goodbye to me on Saturday. She suggested that we "hook up" when she comes back to visit. I said that sounds like fun, but I didn't mean it. I think I'm going to just let it go. She is figuring out who she is and messed me up in the process. (she is not the only one to blame) I had a hard time being at Rich's open house for the wedding. I didn't belong there. Everyone my friends were associating with were not people I know, and I didn't feel so good on top of that. So I went into the chapel and rested. I prayed a lot too. I'm not sure what for, but it was a prayer no less. I really want to strike up that conversation again. I have realized that who I am is not somebody that people want, so I am changing. I hope people notice, I hope as a result I will feel better about the reason that I am here. Sometimes the only reason I think that I'm here is because I need to help my friends find happiness. Nobody ever looks twice at me, why do I care? Why does this bother me? Why do I have an inferiority complex? Why have all my good decisions been disastrous? Why am I afraid of growing up? These are all questions that go through my head every day. Why am I not good enough for you? That question will always be in my mind, there is no avoiding it. Is it possible for someone to love me? To look past my ugly face, and horrible appearance? That is why I wish I was someone else. Nobody sees me involved in their life further than a year.
I hate this. You don't know what you people do to me. It's tearing me up. You make this world miserable for anyone that is not as fickle and vain as you. Am I supposed to be ashamed of who I am or where I come from? Fuck you and Fuck that! Nobody is better than anybody, and the quicker you realize that the better off everyone will be. This has really been eating at me lately. I don't know how to put it without griping or being upset, so I haven't been talking a lot to my friends. Jenna you were right, something has been bothering me, but I hope you know why I didn't want to talk about it. I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. Maybe I need therapy or something. Maybe I shouldn't let things get to me like they do. I am after all only human.
0 Responses to “Hmmmm....”
Post a Comment