This doesn't seem real. He's getting married tomorrow. My best friend and hero is heading a new direction with someone by his side. I was okay with this notion until last night. We had a get together, a bachelor party of sorts. We played Poker and Halo, and all sorts of fun stuff, but it hit me that Rich is changing. Maybe it's a good thing, but I'm not so thrilled about the idea. I think it also has to do with Bryan. Katie had him have not broken up, in fact the opposite. They want to get married. October seems to be when It will happen. I was okay with Rich, because I wasn't last. Well now I am, and will be. I could always have the comfort of knowing that I had a close childhood friend that was not married yet. I don't want to be the one that never gets invited because I don't have a spouse. In all my searching spiritually and improvements I make in other areas of my life, I don't find any comfort in the fact that I think I will be alone forever. I have made huge steps, but nothing. Now I know I haven't completely finished working at bettering myself in fact I have only started, but usually I get some glimmer of hope or at least some comfort. Whatever I complain about that issue to much, especially here. I heard a song on the way to work I used to listen to. Here is a line from it, I think it kind of fits:
Emptiness is Loneliness and Loneliness is Cleanliness.
And Cleanliness Is Godliness and God is Empty... Just like me.
I don't think God is empty, but that is the cycle. All these neon distractions that kept me occupied through the years have come back to haunt me. I'm paying with my happiness. I am very good now, and I don't mean for this post to be a complaint or the usually "woe is me", it's just coming out that way. I love the people that are in my life right now. I just don't like change, I think I can handle it if the people around me progress at the same pace as me, but when people take leaps and bounds forward and I'm drowning, learning to swim, it sucks! It's my problem though. Another thing, why have my friends found happiness doing the same things I do, but I have to work for it. That pisses me off, I want to scream.
***BEST ROCKSTAR SCREAM EVER***
I feel better...
Emptiness is Loneliness and Loneliness is Cleanliness.
And Cleanliness Is Godliness and God is Empty... Just like me.
I don't think God is empty, but that is the cycle. All these neon distractions that kept me occupied through the years have come back to haunt me. I'm paying with my happiness. I am very good now, and I don't mean for this post to be a complaint or the usually "woe is me", it's just coming out that way. I love the people that are in my life right now. I just don't like change, I think I can handle it if the people around me progress at the same pace as me, but when people take leaps and bounds forward and I'm drowning, learning to swim, it sucks! It's my problem though. Another thing, why have my friends found happiness doing the same things I do, but I have to work for it. That pisses me off, I want to scream.
***BEST ROCKSTAR SCREAM EVER***
I feel better...
Kr5is, I want to tell you how much I value your friendship. This last year would have been... very different without you. I'm really proud of the progress you've made and the things you've done for me. (Thanks for lunch today. I think I was too into myself today to remember to say thanks. And I'm sorry about that.) But I want you to know that you're very important to me.
....And I'm really excited to work with you guys! Woot! (As Holly would say. ;)
I resent Jenna's comment that "Woot" is "as Holly would say." :-p It may or may not be the truth!... but that's not the issue here!...... hmph! hehe anyway, the point is, I love you kris buddy. You always manage to make me smile. *hug* smile, it takes the suck out. :-D