Kr5istofer's Thoughts

I'm working right now, I'm sort of in a blank place... Comfortable... mmmm... So I'm not sure how any of my plans this month are going to turn out. I want to go to Vegas this weekend, but I'm not sure how it's going to go. I want more people to go, or nobody else to go. I'm going to feel like a third this weekend. He has a way of making me feel like that, and I'm not sure how or why. I want someone else to be there so I don't feel uncomfortable at times. I feel like an outsider, but I think I did that. How did I do that? Why did I do that? Wow, I have a lot of questions... Steve will be back from Europe next weekend, I hope he is as excited as I am to start playing again. I need something like that again, something unique that I have, something that makes me special. I think I prematurely got my hopes up about going to Colorado, I thought it was a more solid plan when it was brought up, but I think I was wrong. Whatever, life is full of these roller-coaster type ups and downs. I really don't know where I am right now. I have been sick for about 3 days, and I haven't felt very good about anything. I finally feel a little bit better today, but I'm not back to full capacity. I think I'm developing an eating disorder though, I didn't eat anything for 24 hours. I forced myself to eat something for lunch today, and it made me sick. I feel stuffed and gross. There are so many things that I am thinking and feeling that I don't know how to put it down. I'm about ready to pop with all this stuff all on the surface.

"Time and time again I find the surface in my head" - Valence ;-)

When I feel like I can breath another wave comes and pushes me under. This post is becoming too scattered for it to make since. I'll be done for now....