I rest my head
Between the bed and sky
Download my dread
Disarm my mind
Make it dry
Nothing in motion, and I'm satisfied
No disappointment, until I wake up
Don't want to wake up
Into clear space
Vivid vision
See her shape
At my bedside
Beam up my mind please
There's nothing in motion, and I'm satisfied
No disappointment, until I wake up
There's nothing in motion, and I'm satisfied
No disappointment, until I wake up
I don't want to wake up
Ooh, Oooooooh, Oooooooh
Nothing in motion, and I'm satisfied
No disappointment, until I wake up
There's nothing in motion, and I'm satisfied
No disappointment, until I wake up
I don't want to wake up, no
I don't want to wake up, no
Ooh, Ooh
I don't want to wake up, no
Between the bed and sky
Download my dread
Disarm my mind
Make it dry
Nothing in motion, and I'm satisfied
No disappointment, until I wake up
Don't want to wake up
Into clear space
Vivid vision
See her shape
At my bedside
Beam up my mind please
There's nothing in motion, and I'm satisfied
No disappointment, until I wake up
There's nothing in motion, and I'm satisfied
No disappointment, until I wake up
I don't want to wake up
Ooh, Oooooooh, Oooooooh
Nothing in motion, and I'm satisfied
No disappointment, until I wake up
There's nothing in motion, and I'm satisfied
No disappointment, until I wake up
I don't want to wake up, no
I don't want to wake up, no
Ooh, Ooh
I don't want to wake up, no
I am in some trouble...
I can't do 2 jobs and school, and try and stay alive. I'm slowly wearing down, but I need the extra money, so should I wait till next semester when things are a bit more calm? I have so much I need and want to do that it's not funny. I want to go to Colorado, I want to buy a new guitar, I want to go buy new clothes, and even a different car. But that will all have to wait. I have to pay some debt down first. I have earned a lot of debt trying to get into school and affording my rock and roll lifestyle, which hasn't been so rock and roll lately.
So last night at my second job I ran into my best friends sister. It was real nice to see her, and that is where my dilemma is. My friend has always told me that he thought his sister and I should date, but I never thought much of it because she is almost 2 years older than me, but as old as we are I think the age lines are disappearing. She seemed genuinely interested in me as a person, and I couldn't help but feel like she wanted me to ask her out. I mean she was at a musical all by herself, and seemed like she was happy to see someone she knew. I'm a wuss and didn't ask her out for many reasons. She has had a hard time with guys in the past, she is VERY Mormon, and not that there is anything wrong with that, but I'm not the greatest member of the Mormon church right now, I have a lot I'm working on. She is so awesome, and said that I should come to their house more often. I donno, that is an exciting thing, but I don't know how to approach it. I wonder if my friend would freak out if I dated his sister. He knows about my past, and knows about my desires to fix it, but whatever, I tend to worry too much.
Anyway... All for now.
I can't do 2 jobs and school, and try and stay alive. I'm slowly wearing down, but I need the extra money, so should I wait till next semester when things are a bit more calm? I have so much I need and want to do that it's not funny. I want to go to Colorado, I want to buy a new guitar, I want to go buy new clothes, and even a different car. But that will all have to wait. I have to pay some debt down first. I have earned a lot of debt trying to get into school and affording my rock and roll lifestyle, which hasn't been so rock and roll lately.
So last night at my second job I ran into my best friends sister. It was real nice to see her, and that is where my dilemma is. My friend has always told me that he thought his sister and I should date, but I never thought much of it because she is almost 2 years older than me, but as old as we are I think the age lines are disappearing. She seemed genuinely interested in me as a person, and I couldn't help but feel like she wanted me to ask her out. I mean she was at a musical all by herself, and seemed like she was happy to see someone she knew. I'm a wuss and didn't ask her out for many reasons. She has had a hard time with guys in the past, she is VERY Mormon, and not that there is anything wrong with that, but I'm not the greatest member of the Mormon church right now, I have a lot I'm working on. She is so awesome, and said that I should come to their house more often. I donno, that is an exciting thing, but I don't know how to approach it. I wonder if my friend would freak out if I dated his sister. He knows about my past, and knows about my desires to fix it, but whatever, I tend to worry too much.
Anyway... All for now.
I'm going to ride this plane out of your life again.
I wish that I could've stayed but you argued.
More than this I wish you could've seen my face
In the backseat staring out the window.
I'll do anything for you,
Kill anyone for you.
So leave yourself intact
'Cause I will be coming back.
In a phrase to cut these lips,
I love you.
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up.
I earned through hope and faith
The curves around your face
That I'm the one you'll hold forever.
If morning never comes for either one of us,
Then this I pray to you wherever.
I'll do anything for you.
This story is for you.
('Cause I'd do anything you want me to... for you.)
I'll do anything for you,
Kill anyone for you.
So leave yourself intact
'Cause I won't be coming back.
In a phrase to cut these lips,
I loved you.
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up.
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
'Til you decide to wake up.
***
I wish that I could've stayed but you argued.
More than this I wish you could've seen my face
In the backseat staring out the window.
I'll do anything for you,
Kill anyone for you.
So leave yourself intact
'Cause I will be coming back.
In a phrase to cut these lips,
I love you.
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up.
I earned through hope and faith
The curves around your face
That I'm the one you'll hold forever.
If morning never comes for either one of us,
Then this I pray to you wherever.
I'll do anything for you.
This story is for you.
('Cause I'd do anything you want me to... for you.)
I'll do anything for you,
Kill anyone for you.
So leave yourself intact
'Cause I won't be coming back.
In a phrase to cut these lips,
I loved you.
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up.
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
'Til you decide to wake up.
***
...You are a bastard...
Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
Doomed
Pick your pockets full of sorrow
And run away with me tomorrow
June
We’ll try and ease the pain
But somehow we’ll feel the same
Well, no one knows
Where our secrets go
I send a heart to all my dearies
When your life is so, so dreary
Dream
I’m rumored to the straight and narrow
While the harlots of my perils
Scream
And I fail
But when I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will
Mother weep the years I’m missing
All our time can’t be given
Back
Shut my mouth and strike the demons
That cursed you and your reasons
Out of hand and out of season
Out of love and out of feeling
So bad
When I can, I will
Words defy the plan
When I can, I will
Fool enough to almost be it
And cool enough to not quite see it
And old enough to always feel this
Always old, I’ll always feel this
No more promise no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me
I just want to be me
When I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will
Cool enough to not quite see it
Doomed
Pick your pockets full of sorrow
And run away with me tomorrow
June
We’ll try and ease the pain
But somehow we’ll feel the same
Well, no one knows
Where our secrets go
I send a heart to all my dearies
When your life is so, so dreary
Dream
I’m rumored to the straight and narrow
While the harlots of my perils
Scream
And I fail
But when I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will
Mother weep the years I’m missing
All our time can’t be given
Back
Shut my mouth and strike the demons
That cursed you and your reasons
Out of hand and out of season
Out of love and out of feeling
So bad
When I can, I will
Words defy the plan
When I can, I will
Fool enough to almost be it
And cool enough to not quite see it
And old enough to always feel this
Always old, I’ll always feel this
No more promise no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me
I just want to be me
When I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will
So the last I posted I was feeling pretty good, then a lot of stuff happened, and I'm not feeling so confident in much anymore. I mean things are good, but I'm just not who I am supposed to be, and who I'm supposed to be isn't anybody interesting at all? Am I doomed to be a weirdo? Let me tell you about my week:
Class on Monday was cool. I got my work done, I need to do a lot of homework tonight cause I missed class on Wednesday. After school I went and picked up my Grandpa's Reel to Reel player. After that I think I had some ice cream with Shawnna and Jenna, then went to Rich's house and played Halo, I don't remember, things before Wednesday are a bit hazy, on Tuesday Rochelle came over to my house and we started recording Reel to Reel stuff to my computer for her family history. It was cool to do that sort of thing again. I don't remember what I did after that. Man that sucks!... Wednesday was so much fun. Work sucked, but whatever... I got to chill with Krista that night, we went to see Thrice at In The Venue. A band called Veda opened for them also Underoath, and The Bled. The Bled were really good, but I don't know if it was the alcohol or the music. Krista took it upon herself to get me drunk, and she succeeded. I hadn't had anything to drink for a long time, and I was weak. She managed to get Half a pitcher of beer, 2 twenty ounce Long Islands, and a Red Bull with Vodka in me. I could feel it for sure. Thrice came on, I remember the first song, and I remember feeling like I was stupid cause I was too drunk to see one of my favorite bands. I have never been drunk like that before, I don't like it, and I plan to do all I can to not do that again. I remember a few of the songs from the show, which were awesome! After that I was too drunk to drive home, so Krista had me crash with her till about 3 AM. I drove home, and ran into my Mom who was up in the kitchen getting my dad's lunch ready. I went to bed Got up at 6 and went to work. I was so hung over it wasn't funny! I bought some Excedrin, and rich gave me a sandwich cause he said his dad taught him that. That totally helped, and I felt a lot better all day. I managed to tell Jenna about it, which was hard, I don't like disappointing my friends, family or God, but for some reason it was the hardest to tell her. I want to start writing music again, especially with Jenna, the band Vega inspired me to start again, but I'm sort of in a slump of song writing right now. Friday was acoustic night, I invited about 15 people to come see me play, but only Rich and his wife made it. That meant a lot, but it just depressed me. It sort of felt like my friend drew the like as to how much they care for me. I realize now that I didn't invite a few people, and I'm sorry if I forgot, but still. Steve, Sam, Brian and I took off up the canyon and built a fire. Some creepy guy jumped out of the bushes at us asking us if "Pheobie" was with us. We were a bunch of guys and this dude was asking us about a girl. He went on his way, and we tried to get a fire going. Soon a group of people showed up and helped us start a fire, had they not come we would have had our boy scout status revoked. We couldn't start a fire to save our lives. After a while a lot of people were there, and every time someone new came in we asked of the girls if she was Pheobie. After about 10 girls someone said yes, and that creepy guy was behind her. That was weird. Anyway, Saturday I knew I was going to have a fight with Jenna, so I avoided it as long as possible and went to Salt Lake with Rich and Rochelle. We just walked around for a while and chilled, then I went home. Sure enough I had a fight with my best friend, which was weird to do so. I don't like being that out of control of my composure. I get too emotional sometimes I guess, and don't see everything. After that I felt okay again with things, and then had an awesome time playing the sign game with some of Jenna's friends. So the moral of the story is...
1) Don't get drunk on a Wednesday, if even at all. Especially when one of your favorite bands is playing.
2) Don't expect people to understand how you need to be supported ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever...ever.
3) Don't blindly get upset with your best friend.
4) Don't try and sneeze while plugging your nose, it hurts your ears, and feels like your eyes are going to pop out.
Class on Monday was cool. I got my work done, I need to do a lot of homework tonight cause I missed class on Wednesday. After school I went and picked up my Grandpa's Reel to Reel player. After that I think I had some ice cream with Shawnna and Jenna, then went to Rich's house and played Halo, I don't remember, things before Wednesday are a bit hazy, on Tuesday Rochelle came over to my house and we started recording Reel to Reel stuff to my computer for her family history. It was cool to do that sort of thing again. I don't remember what I did after that. Man that sucks!... Wednesday was so much fun. Work sucked, but whatever... I got to chill with Krista that night, we went to see Thrice at In The Venue. A band called Veda opened for them also Underoath, and The Bled. The Bled were really good, but I don't know if it was the alcohol or the music. Krista took it upon herself to get me drunk, and she succeeded. I hadn't had anything to drink for a long time, and I was weak. She managed to get Half a pitcher of beer, 2 twenty ounce Long Islands, and a Red Bull with Vodka in me. I could feel it for sure. Thrice came on, I remember the first song, and I remember feeling like I was stupid cause I was too drunk to see one of my favorite bands. I have never been drunk like that before, I don't like it, and I plan to do all I can to not do that again. I remember a few of the songs from the show, which were awesome! After that I was too drunk to drive home, so Krista had me crash with her till about 3 AM. I drove home, and ran into my Mom who was up in the kitchen getting my dad's lunch ready. I went to bed Got up at 6 and went to work. I was so hung over it wasn't funny! I bought some Excedrin, and rich gave me a sandwich cause he said his dad taught him that. That totally helped, and I felt a lot better all day. I managed to tell Jenna about it, which was hard, I don't like disappointing my friends, family or God, but for some reason it was the hardest to tell her. I want to start writing music again, especially with Jenna, the band Vega inspired me to start again, but I'm sort of in a slump of song writing right now. Friday was acoustic night, I invited about 15 people to come see me play, but only Rich and his wife made it. That meant a lot, but it just depressed me. It sort of felt like my friend drew the like as to how much they care for me. I realize now that I didn't invite a few people, and I'm sorry if I forgot, but still. Steve, Sam, Brian and I took off up the canyon and built a fire. Some creepy guy jumped out of the bushes at us asking us if "Pheobie" was with us. We were a bunch of guys and this dude was asking us about a girl. He went on his way, and we tried to get a fire going. Soon a group of people showed up and helped us start a fire, had they not come we would have had our boy scout status revoked. We couldn't start a fire to save our lives. After a while a lot of people were there, and every time someone new came in we asked of the girls if she was Pheobie. After about 10 girls someone said yes, and that creepy guy was behind her. That was weird. Anyway, Saturday I knew I was going to have a fight with Jenna, so I avoided it as long as possible and went to Salt Lake with Rich and Rochelle. We just walked around for a while and chilled, then I went home. Sure enough I had a fight with my best friend, which was weird to do so. I don't like being that out of control of my composure. I get too emotional sometimes I guess, and don't see everything. After that I felt okay again with things, and then had an awesome time playing the sign game with some of Jenna's friends. So the moral of the story is...
1) Don't get drunk on a Wednesday, if even at all. Especially when one of your favorite bands is playing.
2) Don't expect people to understand how you need to be supported ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever...ever.
3) Don't blindly get upset with your best friend.
4) Don't try and sneeze while plugging your nose, it hurts your ears, and feels like your eyes are going to pop out.
On Thursday Spin and I took off from Utah at about 4:00 PM and arrived in Vegas at about 8:00 PM Vegas time. We went straight to the Hard Rock Casino, and found a parking spot. I was so excited I could hardly sit still. We booked it to the Joint where Sigur Ros was playing, and found our seats. Amina was already playing, I wish I had seen their entire set. They had a lot of awesome songs that they crafted with some cool instruments. Nothing I haven't seen before, but none the less good. At the Hard Rock Joint the seats near the front are like Sardine cans, we were shoulder to shoulder, and it was uncomfortable. I hoped that when Sigur Ros came on the crowd would stand, but no, they didn't. However when Sigur Ros did come on it was amazing.
They played almost everything I wanted to hear, and completely spellbound me. I almost cried when they played some of the songs that reminded me of times with Sarah, and other people I attached these songs too. My words are a plague to how awesome this show was.
After the show Spin and I went and stayed at his parent's house. His parents are so cool, and are excellent hosts. They are so nice. The next day we went and got settled in the apartment that Spin's parents arranged for us. It was nice, in an awesome part of town. Rent there is only $1,100 a month for a 2 bedroom place. It has a gate! I have always wanted to live in a place with a gate. We went to the Ren Fair that day too, which was cool. I have never been to a place like that, and I bought a hat. I like hats. Jenna and Jeff met up with us later that night, it was cool to have them drive down and meet us. I went to the store and bought food for everyone. Jenna and Spin cooked dinner. It was awesome. Sleep was very welcome though. On Saturday we went downtown and saw some of the places on the strip. We got ice cream from the Bellagio, and sort of just played around there. The Eiffel tower in Vegas was closed because of the wind, apparently you are not supposed to build towers because the wind might blow it down! That sucked, but we then went to Freemont street where I bought a few poker chips from the Horseshoe, but I don't think that is the name still. We then played some black jack at Suncoast, I lost $40 and had a blast. After that we ate at the Melting Pot, holy crap what a good place to eat. Spin's parents both work for them, and were awesome enough to comp our meal, which should have broke us! I want to go there again.
The next day we ate at the Mirage where they served a Champagne Brunch. $20 for the best buffet I have ever had! I plan to go back to that buffet every time I am in Vegas. That is about it for the trip, I had a good break. I'm still realizing how inadequate I am to the people around me every day, I'm seeing all the time that the interests my friend have nothing to do with me at all. They don't call me anymore, and if they do it's usually for something I can help them with.
I'll never fit with you will I? I'm just here to serve some meaningless purpose, and you're okay with that?
They played almost everything I wanted to hear, and completely spellbound me. I almost cried when they played some of the songs that reminded me of times with Sarah, and other people I attached these songs too. My words are a plague to how awesome this show was.
After the show Spin and I went and stayed at his parent's house. His parents are so cool, and are excellent hosts. They are so nice. The next day we went and got settled in the apartment that Spin's parents arranged for us. It was nice, in an awesome part of town. Rent there is only $1,100 a month for a 2 bedroom place. It has a gate! I have always wanted to live in a place with a gate. We went to the Ren Fair that day too, which was cool. I have never been to a place like that, and I bought a hat. I like hats. Jenna and Jeff met up with us later that night, it was cool to have them drive down and meet us. I went to the store and bought food for everyone. Jenna and Spin cooked dinner. It was awesome. Sleep was very welcome though. On Saturday we went downtown and saw some of the places on the strip. We got ice cream from the Bellagio, and sort of just played around there. The Eiffel tower in Vegas was closed because of the wind, apparently you are not supposed to build towers because the wind might blow it down! That sucked, but we then went to Freemont street where I bought a few poker chips from the Horseshoe, but I don't think that is the name still. We then played some black jack at Suncoast, I lost $40 and had a blast. After that we ate at the Melting Pot, holy crap what a good place to eat. Spin's parents both work for them, and were awesome enough to comp our meal, which should have broke us! I want to go there again.
The next day we ate at the Mirage where they served a Champagne Brunch. $20 for the best buffet I have ever had! I plan to go back to that buffet every time I am in Vegas. That is about it for the trip, I had a good break. I'm still realizing how inadequate I am to the people around me every day, I'm seeing all the time that the interests my friend have nothing to do with me at all. They don't call me anymore, and if they do it's usually for something I can help them with.
I'll never fit with you will I? I'm just here to serve some meaningless purpose, and you're okay with that?
These are the coolest lyrics I have heard for a long time. Such a cool story being told!
I need to write more like this...
"Red Sky"
I know what lies beneath, I've seen the flash of teeth.
Conspiring with the reef to sink our ship.
The wind's a cheating wife, her tongue a thirsty knife.
And she could take your life with one good kiss.
Can you see the sky turn red?
As morning's light breaks over me,
Know tonight we'll make our bed
at the bottom of the sea.
I know the ocean speaks, I've heard her call to me.
And smiling in my dreams she whispers this
(The stars retreat behind their veil.
The clouds are clinging to your sail.
The storm is coming can you see?)
Look and see the sky turn red.
Like blood it covers over me.
And soon the sea shall give up her dead.
We'll raise an empire from the bottom of the sea
I need to write more like this...
"Red Sky"
I know what lies beneath, I've seen the flash of teeth.
Conspiring with the reef to sink our ship.
The wind's a cheating wife, her tongue a thirsty knife.
And she could take your life with one good kiss.
Can you see the sky turn red?
As morning's light breaks over me,
Know tonight we'll make our bed
at the bottom of the sea.
I know the ocean speaks, I've heard her call to me.
And smiling in my dreams she whispers this
(The stars retreat behind their veil.
The clouds are clinging to your sail.
The storm is coming can you see?)
Look and see the sky turn red.
Like blood it covers over me.
And soon the sea shall give up her dead.
We'll raise an empire from the bottom of the sea
