Kr5istofer's Thoughts

Why can't I reach anyone? I have been trying for 4 days to talk with one of my friends from Utah, but I haven't been able to reach anyone for more than 3 minutes. I hate this. I'm just dissappointing everyone, and I'm being dissappointed in the process. I think I'll be moving to Idaho and alienate myself more. But for school at BYU, and being social with people sort of my age and unmarried. I'm not coming back to Utah though, as much as I miss it I can't go back there with my tail between my legs. Nobody that I want to be around would be available anyway. Everyone would be working or too busy to notice that I'm back. I can't believe I talked myself into this. I have ruined more things then I have fixed. Just ignore this, I'm complaining.

***

when deadbolts awake you from deja vu dreams,
at four in the morning you know where I'll be.
out running red lights asleep at the wheel.
the sirens feed my nightmares,

I just close my eyes and I'm already here;
its already too late.
I know its nothing but lies,
but they sound so sincere;
I find them too hard to hate.

and she calls from the doorway "stolen water is sweet,
so let's drink it in the darkness if you know what I mean"
and she calls from the doorway "stolen water is sweet,
so let's drink it in the darkness if you know what I mean"

and I'm almost sure
that I've been here before,
that this is not the first time I've stood in front of this door,
with an overwhelming feeling that I shouldn't go in,
but it seems this is a battle that I never could win.

and you! my true love! you call from the hilltop. you call through the streets, "Darling don't you know, the water is poison." and I say! "Come on and give me my poison."

what have I done? is it too late to save me from this place? from the depths of the grave? we all are those .. who thought we were brave. what have I done?