I really don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I need to snap... and not be afraid of any of you anymore. I have come to realize that I'm just a phase to some. I don't feel like I really have a place to call home, or secure, or comfortable. I keep thinking I invested my time into the wrong places, and I feel like life is pointing me to places that I don't want to be. I don't want to be with her but if I'm not then will I be alone? What if you already had your chance and you blew it? You couldn't see past the lust, and the truth that everyone was showing you, and you drove her away. Way to go Kris! She isn't coming back, she can't. Why would she? What if everything you hoped for is an empty set of promises handed down to you from the neon life you once chased after? What if it isn't for you because you don't fit it's mold? Where will my expectations and reality reach a plateau? I don't think that what I want is capable of wanting me. Don't deny it. Think for yourself, and stop living in the world of the beautiful. Vanity is a sin, and everyone is guilty, especially the accuser. I just want a fair chance where love and romance is blind, and justice can see the iniquities of my peers and myself. I'm tired of fighting for something that wasn't foreordained for me. I did blow it. My insecurities and my fears took hold of me and allowed me to destroy just about everything that I ever felt so strongly about. I can't start over because it's to late. I have no place with my peers. They're all married, or all glamorous, and youthful, and hip, and something I have always tried to be but never could get it right. Somehow I have arranged it so my happiness comes from the approval of my peers, and it is destroying me that I can't be like them. I can wear all the right clothes, listen to the right songs, know all the inside jokes, but I still can't be in that club. The cool kids club... The paired off club... You know the one with the bouncer outside deciding if you are good enough?
I can't breathe, please don't ignore me this time.
I can't breathe, please don't ignore me this time.
Living in your past is a dangerous place to me and uterlly disapointing because you can't changne anything about all the happy times stay happy and all the sad ones stay sad
and spiritually speaking you don't get just one chance with anything that matters in life or else we would all be doomed look to your future - look to your friend
but most important look to yourself
play to your strenghths, work on your weaknesses
and if you have truly felt for a long time that you were and are always just one step behind ( it sounds like you just described my past ) then look into medication it made a world of difference for me
love ya man
Thanks man. I know I'm not the only one that ever felt like this, but I can't really talk about it anymore, so it comes out in huge rants like this.
Kris... you and I can hang out at the 7-11 outside of the Cool Kids Club, and drink Slurpees and stuff. And then buy eggs to throw at the bouncers.
Oh, and what are your plans for August?
*Grins evilly as a plan is set in motion*