"Love. I get so lost sometimes."
2 Comments Published by Kr5is on Thursday, January 20, 2005 at 1:45 AM.
Why am I so cold? Nobody here to warm me. I know I tend to vent a lot on here, and complain too, but I need to get this out. I am overlooked everywhere I turn. Someone never stops to see me for me. What have I done or not done to put me where I am. Lonely, replaced. I know it is my own responsibility to look after me, but sometimes I want to be held. I saw The Phantom of The Opera tonight for the first time ever. It was such a beautiful film, not to mention story. I went with someone very dear to me tonight. Short of having my eyes poked out and my heart carved out this person has helped me feel every emotion possible. I'm not sure why I crave her attention so much. I know I will just be looked over. After the movie it was sort of a weird moment we had. She put in a CD that she made while we were dating. (That Sucked) As anyone who knows me or reads this blog can tell, music is my escape, my muse, my mixing can of emotions. As we were driving home listening to "our" songs, I realized she was thinking about someone else. That left me feeling two things, some sort of sick joy that is I can move on, and the other. Hurt. I have been replaced... Again...
It was about time according to Kristofer's break up calendar:
1) First you break up, then for about a month or two you find some strange desire to torture yourself by seeing this person, kissing, flirting, or whatever with them.
2) Then around 2 months post break up, one of you decide to be distant, leaving the other with a paper heart going "what?". That will continue for a bout another 2 months.
3) After that you have the ONE magical moment where you feel like you can renew this. Start over. Feel something more with this person.
4) Then one or the other says that they will not date you again... Ever... This sharade will continue for a week till you happen to speak to this person again.
5) Then we have a very brief repeat of the first phase. (Kissing, flirting, Whatever)
6) Followed by an immediate "met someone new".
That is the schedule by which all relationships in my life have followed. Holy crap! That is not cool! I'm always on the look out for the next "Mrs. Said-I-Loved-Kristofer-But-Really-Used-His-Heart-As-A-Crutch-To-Make-Myself-Feel-Better" That is the end of my rant. Now that this post had become as long as 5 of my other posts I think I'll go to bed. Thanks for listening... You're such a good friend, Computer.
It was about time according to Kristofer's break up calendar:
1) First you break up, then for about a month or two you find some strange desire to torture yourself by seeing this person, kissing, flirting, or whatever with them.
2) Then around 2 months post break up, one of you decide to be distant, leaving the other with a paper heart going "what?". That will continue for a bout another 2 months.
3) After that you have the ONE magical moment where you feel like you can renew this. Start over. Feel something more with this person.
4) Then one or the other says that they will not date you again... Ever... This sharade will continue for a week till you happen to speak to this person again.
5) Then we have a very brief repeat of the first phase. (Kissing, flirting, Whatever)
6) Followed by an immediate "met someone new".
That is the schedule by which all relationships in my life have followed. Holy crap! That is not cool! I'm always on the look out for the next "Mrs. Said-I-Loved-Kristofer-But-Really-Used-His-Heart-As-A-Crutch-To-Make-Myself-Feel-Better" That is the end of my rant. Now that this post had become as long as 5 of my other posts I think I'll go to bed. Thanks for listening... You're such a good friend, Computer.
First of all.. *pretend angry yelling* You went to see Phantom without ME?!?!... (just kidding..) *pretend angry over* Oh my Kris, I wish I could hug you and make it all better. But one thing i know is that you are so incredibly strong. You have so much inside you that maybe you don't see, and maybe "Mrs. I'm-a-big-dork-for-brains" (however many more there may be) can't see it either.. But "Mrs. Realizes-Kris-Is-Amazing" will come along. :) Yeah yeah, i might be 17 and supposedly inexperienced in these things, but.. Time has a way of making things happen. When the heart is ready, love will find the way. I promise. I love you! :)
I back Danielle and "Beautiful Disaster's" comments. You are loved by all those who know you. *sarcastic grin* I, on the other hand, am not.
Seriously, though, you are one of the coolest friends I have. And you have lots of girls-who-are-friends, just like me. I've never had a long relationship like the ones you have had, but I can understand how you feel--typical sensitive guy stuff, I suppose.