Kr5istofer's Thoughts

I HAD TO WRITE THIS A SECOND TIME BECAUSE BLOGGER DECIDED TO HAVE THIER SESSIONS EXPIRE!!!!

I needed a good weekend to help me get out of this pit I have been in. I have felt so invisible to all my friends recently. But I realized that I am partially to blame for that. I haven’t exactly been willing to share my thoughts or feelings. I closed up, and didn’t want to share. I don’t know why I do this when I’m hurt or dealing with something that is hard. I also am too concerned with how my friends enjoy doing the things that I do. I want to share who I am with these people, but if they don’t enjoy it than I have no reason to be so open I guess. I have tried to let go of that mind frame, and I think I did a good job of it this weekend. I donno, I’m just sort of detached from who I really am.

Last week was sort of frustrating at work, I had no motivation again. The quarter ended and I didn’t meet any of my goals, I had 8 hours of No Pay, and I was late a lot last quarter. They moved me to a place where I can feel like I’m part of this department, and not just a pawn. I finally got my desk move with the rest of the team, and that is helping a lot. I didn’t dread coming to work today, and I didn’t feel like I was going to be bored for 8 hours of the day. I know in the coming quarter I will be able to catch up. I hope I don’t get written up for my poor performance.

Friday really sucked, I thought I had plans, but I really didn’t. I got my hair cut and some new shirts. Then I spent the rest of the night wondering if I had friends. I called a few people, but I couldn’t find anyone that was not on a date or with their other half. Man I hate not being dateable. So I spent Friday alone. I used the be the person everyone called or wanted around. What happened? Did I do it to myself or did my value as a friend just disappear? Whatever, it was a low point that is for sure. Saturday I started early it was the day of the Big Ass Show. I got up at 8 and went to go get my ticket from Arielle. She was so kind to give me a ticket. Jenna picked me up and we went and got spin then it was off to the show! We missed the first 4 bands, but I only really wanted to see 1 of them, Broke. We watched Hawthorne Heights, which was okay, but nothing special. We mostly just wandered around the park. I didn’t watch many of the bands. We met up with Steve, McCall, Park and his new wife I think Shannon? We watched 30 Seconds to Mars, which was awesome, ‘The Letto’ sure does look like a rock star. The band did very well though aside from some sloppy moments in Attack. I attribute that to being a rock start and playing way too early in the day. I ran into my old friend Joel, who just moved back from the east coast with is wife. I haven’t seen him in a long time, and it was awesome to catch up with him. We are probably going to chill this week. After that we just sort of rested. I watched 2 songs from Cold and Story of The Year. The sound sucked though, and I had to leave. The Live and Local stage was lame too, but that is okay because 1 thing made up for the whole lack of show. Our Lady Peace. Look at them in all their Majesty! We waited for about 20 min for them to play, but we were 10 feet from the stage. They came on and completely blew me away. They played about 4 new songs where were awesome live, and some old stuff. I almost cried during Somewhere Out There, it was hard to hear that song live. The last time I did I was with Sarah, and that was our song. I managed not to cry which was good, cause I would look like a pussy in front of all the posers. The show was awesome especially when they closed with Supernan’s Dead. (Yes Spin the apostrophe is supposed to be there) I lost my voice from yelling and screaming the lyrics, it’s still a little weird. We left after that, nothing could compare to how good OLP was, and The Used would have ruined the feeling that I had. It was an awesome day, and I could not have asked for a better show. On Sunday I just slept all day. It was nice, then Jenna did the nicest thing she could have done for me. She had everyone play settlers at 6 instead of later so I could get some sleep. …Thank you so much friend, you don’t know how much that meant to me… Baker also made dinner which was awesome, and I ended my weekend feeling so much better about things, and like I’m a little way out of the pit of my problems. I just don’t want to go back down.