Kr5istofer's Thoughts

I have so much to be excited for, but the excitement is being drowned by stress and lack of sleep. I'm constantly late for work. They haven't said anything to me about it yet, but I expect they will real soon. I can't sleep. I went to bed at 10:30 last night, but I just layette awake until 12:30 or so, and the 6:00 alarm comes way to soon. So I snooze and call in and say I won't be in till 9 and then I make an extra effort to be productive and valuable. Whatever, I need to change something I guess so I can sleep again. So last night I had a Math test I wasn't ready for. I know the math, but I don't know all the properties or vocab words like they want. So I think I did poorly. I'm not going to my MC class tonight either I need a break. A real break where I have nothing to worry about. I only get 1,200 for financial aide this week when I was expecting twice that. I must have read something wrong. I have no motivation anymore. I just want to get on with my life, and let everything pass me by, I feel like I'm 80 years old. I don't care much for all my memories or past friends. My favorite band in the whole world is playing in two days and while I'm excited I can't feel anything. I'm numb from all the pretending. "I'm not okay, I'm not o-Fucking-kay!" I'm not really sad either like I said earlier, just sort of blah. I'm sure I'll be out of it soon. I'm just too self conscious, I'm embarrassed to be me, and that is not cool. God doesn't give me answers, and If he does they are too cryptic for me to understand. I don't have the mental capacity to think right now. I'm fried, and I need to just do simple things. Steve and I are going to play guitar tonight. I have needed that for a long time, I miss playing and singing and writing. I can't really write right now though, some sort of temporary lapse of creativity. At least I hope it's temporary. Anyway I don't have time to write anymore. I have a project to work on. So yeah...