So yeah, such is life I guess.
***
What have I become?
My sweetest friend.
Everyone I know goes away in the end
And you could have it all,
my empire of dirt.
I will let you down.
I will make you hurt.
***
So I'm a Feral Child again... I don't know where I fit with anyone anymore. I thought I did, but then a slap across my face happened last week, which I thought I could be cool with, but I'm not. It has caused me to withdraw, and close up. Is that normal, or is that my reflex to an embarrassing situation. I can't really post what I want to say because too many people read this that know me, and it would be damaging for so many people for me to say it.
Who have I been kidding? I know who I am, and I don't think that will ever change. I'm a Harrison, someone condemned to uncertainness and poor health. I can have all the faith in the world, but I don't think I will ever have the things, I have been promised It's to late. I don't think I will ever be loved like I need to be. I'm just going to have to settle if I want anything from life. I have been looking for something that does not exist, and I need to give up.
So yeah... I don't know what to say anymore. I have nothing to share, I have no security anywhere, and no strength to hold myself up anymore. I have always been good at being the picked on kid, maybe I should try that again, and quit running from who I am. I need to pull down my mask and show everyone who I was, and am.
***
What have I become?
My sweetest friend.
Everyone I know goes away in the end
And you could have it all,
my empire of dirt.
I will let you down.
I will make you hurt.
***
So I'm a Feral Child again... I don't know where I fit with anyone anymore. I thought I did, but then a slap across my face happened last week, which I thought I could be cool with, but I'm not. It has caused me to withdraw, and close up. Is that normal, or is that my reflex to an embarrassing situation. I can't really post what I want to say because too many people read this that know me, and it would be damaging for so many people for me to say it.
Who have I been kidding? I know who I am, and I don't think that will ever change. I'm a Harrison, someone condemned to uncertainness and poor health. I can have all the faith in the world, but I don't think I will ever have the things, I have been promised It's to late. I don't think I will ever be loved like I need to be. I'm just going to have to settle if I want anything from life. I have been looking for something that does not exist, and I need to give up.
So yeah... I don't know what to say anymore. I have nothing to share, I have no security anywhere, and no strength to hold myself up anymore. I have always been good at being the picked on kid, maybe I should try that again, and quit running from who I am. I need to pull down my mask and show everyone who I was, and am.
Kris... if you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here for you. I've got your back, just as you've had mine recently.
Kris, I know this will probably sound lame, and not at all what you want to hear. But, it pains me to see you like this.
I want you to know that I love you. Not in the way that you are looking for, but I love you just the same. You will always be my big brother. I would give anything in the world for you to understand just how much you mean to me. I love you bro., and nothing in the entire world is going to change that. I love you for who you are, who you were, who you are going to become. You are a beautiful person, and full of life and love, I just don't think you realize it.
Now here's the part that you probably don't really want to hear. Life has a funny way of sometime's knocking you down, just so you can rebuild yourself. Take you broken state of being, and rebuild yourself into a better person.
Remember that the gospel and truth makes the best foundation in the entire world. Your Heavenly Father loves you so much, and he's rooting for you. He's just aching to help you rebuild, but he allows us our agency and would never give us something we don't ask for.
I love you, buddy, and I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear. I suck at getting my points across.
Kris, you are loved in ways that can't be shown. Please understand that.
~Aubrey
Hey, I know it's not much but I care. I'm here for you too! You're an awesome guy and if you need someone to talk to never hesitate to call me ok?
Love~
Austen
<< I'm just going to have to settle if I want anything from life.
Kris,
NEVER SETTLE!
I don't think I can say that loud enough.
In regards to love, when my relationship ended. I thought that was it. I thought that my life/self/appearance/image/everything was no longer desirable. Yesterday's trash. I thought that I only had once chance at it, and I blew it. I found out later, that's simply not true.
I will find a true love and so will you.
If anybody would understand, it would be me... as well as others who read your blog.