Kr5istofer's Thoughts

With one or two I get used to the room
We go slow when we first make our moves
By five or six bring you out to the car
Number nine with my head on the bar
And it's sad, but true
Out of cash and I.O.U's

I've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans
My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent
Bring you back to the bar
Get you out of the cold
A sober, straight face gets you out of your clothes
And they're scared that we know
All the crimes they'll commit
Who they'll kiss before they get home

I will lie awake
Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
Let you fall for every empty word I say

Barely conscious in the door where you stand
Your eyes are fighting sleep while your mouth makes its demands
You laugh at every word trying hard to be cute
I almost feel sorry for what I'm going to do
And your hair smells of smoke
Who will cast the first stone?
You can sin or spend the night all alone

Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold
In the shape of a heart that they cut out of stone
You're using all your looks that you've thrown from the start
If you let me have my way I swear I'll tear you apart
Cause it's all you can be
You're a drunk and you're scared
It's ladies night, all the girls drink for free

I will lie awake
And lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
Let you fall for every empty word I say

***

I don't think I'll explain this song right now. I don't think I have the energy or the desire to go over those feelings again. It really isn't a literal lyric for how I feel, but the tone puts me in a place where I feel a lot of hard emotions to deal with. I thought everything was okay until today. Something hit me hard, but whatever when I have the energy I promise to tell you. I have renewed a friendship that is really helping me a lot being here in Colorado. I met a few people the other night one being a female. I'm afraid though, I have a crush and I have only met her once. I got her number though which is more than I usually do. My friend Dave tells me I need to just be confident. I look back at the beginning of relationships I have had or almost had, and they all stemmed from my confidence. Let's get that back. And we'll see what happens. I have been playing the guitar a lot lately too. I am going to try and write an entire solo album. These songs will be 100% mine. We'll see how it turns out. My cousin Cody will be here tonight, I'm stoked to be able to spend some time with him. I'm flying back to Utah next weekend, to take care of a few things, and I think maybe cut some loose ends that are keeping me back. All for now.