Kr5istofer's Thoughts

So I am flying back to Utah on Friday. I'm not sure really what awaits me there, except I get to hang out with Jenna. I'm sorry friend for what I am going to say, I hope I don't embarrass you. I miss her more and more every day. I thought that would sort of fade when I moved to Colorado, not the friendship, but the feelings, and the regrets, and the need to have my best friend around. While she really has been the best friend I ever had, it hasn't been easy pretending to be okay with our status. There is so much that has been said, and beat to death as far as that goes, but it still follows me around, laughing at all my hopes and dreams to be with anyone, not just her. God wont let me sit still about this, at least that is the impression I get, I can't be too sure if I am getting an answer or if my own mind is interfering with answers to my prayers. I have had God tell me one thing and another person something completely different, who is right? Am I so unrighteous that I'm leading myself away from my answers, or am I getting them clear as a bell. Either way I'm stuck holding my heart because nobody wants to keep it, and I keep giving it to the wrong person. I know it will turn around eventually, and I'm not complaining because that would be stupid. I live in Colorado now, and every emotional investment I have with Jenna or anyone else is 600 miles away. Which is an impassable wall when it comes to that sort of thing, and why am I always wishing or hoping?