So here is the picture that was taken of us on Sunday as we went to do the Alpine Slide. This photograph was the last time anyone will see Spin pre Alpine Slide accident. It was sad... Anyway... I plan to go again!
Spin, Me, Jenna, Tiave, Dan
I'm as hot as Dan Anderson...
Spin, Me, Jenna, Tiave, Dan
I'm as hot as Dan Anderson...
So things are good. I think... There is always this burning in my mind about something weird. Anyway... My multimedia professor said we don't need the book I had to buy, so I tried to take that back. UVSC has a check policy though. I have to let my check clear before the return. I understand why, but that is not cool. I needed my money this weekend, I had planned on getting it back, but it didn't work out that way. We'll see if I can return them tonight. I did the alpine slide this weekend, it has been a while, I love it. I want to go back and do it again in a few weeks. I'll try and post a picture we got of Spin, Tiave, Jenna, Dan and I on the ski lift. It totally kicked ass. I would do it every day if I could afford it. I really didn't do much this weekend, but the slide really took my all my attention. I can't remember much else.
Our Lady Peace's album, Healthy in Paranoid Times comes out tomorrow. So does 30 Seconds to Mars album A Beautiful Lie. I wish I had the money to buy them tonight, I think I will scrape it together to get the OLP album, after all they are my favorite band. Maybe I'll write a formal review and post it. That would be way cool and totally geek of me to do...
30 Seconds to Mars - A Beautiful Lie
Our Lady Peace - Healty in Paranoid Times
Our Lady Peace's album, Healthy in Paranoid Times comes out tomorrow. So does 30 Seconds to Mars album A Beautiful Lie. I wish I had the money to buy them tonight, I think I will scrape it together to get the OLP album, after all they are my favorite band. Maybe I'll write a formal review and post it. That would be way cool and totally geek of me to do...
30 Seconds to Mars - A Beautiful Lie
Our Lady Peace - Healty in Paranoid Times
I'm back from Colorado, and what a trip it was. I had a blast... I found out on Saturday morning that the trip had been moved to Denver instead of Delta. My grandma was having some heart problems and couldn't travel anymore. So we all met at my cousin Cody's house and had a blast. It was so good to see all my family again. Grant, Cody and I joked around each night till way late, and didn't sleep enough. It was cool to feel the love of my family and be around so many powerful and talented people. All of whom think the same of me. I got the financial aid stuff figured out and my loan was awarded! I got 3,000 dollars for school. I used almost 800 yesterday, and I'm paying the rest when the check comes. Holy crap it is cool, it was nice to go to class and study, take notes and understand. I am excited to learn. I have two classes, Math and Multimedia Communications, it is going to be a good semester. I bought an iPod for myself. It totally rocks. I have it half full, and I expect to have it completely full by next week. It rocks too...
I interviewed for another position at work today and I think it went really well. I answered every question thoroughly, and I think I impressed them... Time can only tell. The only thing holding me back is my Tech level at work. But I'm only at that level because I am taking responsibility. Anyway... That's all for now.
I interviewed for another position at work today and I think it went really well. I answered every question thoroughly, and I think I impressed them... Time can only tell. The only thing holding me back is my Tech level at work. But I'm only at that level because I am taking responsibility. Anyway... That's all for now.
So I have been trying to get enrolled in school for about a month now. I got registered and enrolled in my classes. My Tuition was going to be about 1250 dollars. That sucks, but okay! So I start the process of figuring out financial aid. The school has made a lot of good progress in helping students get ready for school and financial aide, but they rely too heavily on the Internet system to get it all figured out. I finished my Government application only to find that UVSC can't find record of high school graduation or Equivalent. Now as some of you may not know. I was 2 credits short of graduating on time, and I ended up just taking my GED. Now while the GED accounts for 5 High school credits. Alpine School District still would not award me a diploma. That sucks, but I know I could do it, and I know that I did my part. Now to top it all off I took my GED from UVSC who can't prove that I have a High School Education. I sent about 5 emails to the financial aid department asking them what I must do to get that taken care of. The said that since I took the test at UVSC that they should be able to find the records and to just wait. I was okay with this, until today. Today is the day that I need to get it all taken care of, but they still don't think I graduated. So I call the financial aid office since I work full time and can't go to the school. They now tell me that I have to bring the certificate to the school. That should be no problem accept they close at 5 and I get off work at 5. To add to that dilemma I don't know where my Certificate of Completion is. Last I saw it, it was on my parent's computer desk being proudly displayed. It was there when I moved out in 2003 and I don't know where it is now. I know it is not in my boxes because I have been through that so many times and don't remember seeing it. I know I wouldn't have thrown it away, so I have to go look through my parents bedroom and try and find it today. They are in Colorado right now. Now this wouldn't be such a pressing issues accept I leave for Colorado tomorrow, and I won't be back till Wednesday when everything has to be taken care of or my classes are dropped. So I now have to take time off work that is hard to do when I'm already there. My supervisor is really cool and is letting me take a long lunch with 4 hours PTO. So I have to go home, find my Certificate, cash my check, go to UVSC Prove that I have completed high school, then pay them out my ass 470 dollars for a short term loan. I'm a little frustrated and concerned. What if I can't find my certificate? Will they still give me a loan? This sucks!
Have I ever told you about my desire to own a midget and keep him in the front yard? He would jump out of the bushes and greet my guests by giving them an aneurysm. I imagine him looking something like this!
That would be cool. Anyway...
So I leave for Colorado on Saturday. I'm so torn about going. Every time I go to Colorado something drastic happens in my relationships with my friends. Not always bad, but I really hate change and this weekend is chump full of opportunities for the change to be negative from my perspective, whatever, hokay...
Steve and I are going to be mixing some songs on the album on Saturday morning with Rex. I can't wait to have a semi finished product. Steve doesn't want to work on playing a show though. I really need to. If I don't play a show soon I'm going to flip out and kill people. (not really it's call sarcasm) I just need to showcase my work. I wrote a new song a few nights ago. It's in a tuning of a song that I recently learned to play, and it is so cool. It goes from my usual slow 6/8 time to an awesome cluster of craziness, but it's still intelligible. Anyway... I just wanted to post something and let you all know what's going on.
That would be cool. Anyway...
So I leave for Colorado on Saturday. I'm so torn about going. Every time I go to Colorado something drastic happens in my relationships with my friends. Not always bad, but I really hate change and this weekend is chump full of opportunities for the change to be negative from my perspective, whatever, hokay...
Steve and I are going to be mixing some songs on the album on Saturday morning with Rex. I can't wait to have a semi finished product. Steve doesn't want to work on playing a show though. I really need to. If I don't play a show soon I'm going to flip out and kill people. (not really it's call sarcasm) I just need to showcase my work. I wrote a new song a few nights ago. It's in a tuning of a song that I recently learned to play, and it is so cool. It goes from my usual slow 6/8 time to an awesome cluster of craziness, but it's still intelligible. Anyway... I just wanted to post something and let you all know what's going on.
So if dreams are usually about my deepest desires than I'm in a lot more trouble than I thought. I had a dream last night, and I don't think I'll talk about it here for fear of people having me more figured out. The dream was so nice and it seemed so real that I didn't want to wake up. Then I did, and here I am same ol Kris. Nothing special or different. I hate that! What could I do to help this dream come true? What can I do to make her notice me? Anyway... whatev. That was a real nice dream, and NO IT'S NOT A SEX DREAM! Good hell! You're all perverts!
Last night was eventless, but good. Steve said he didn't need my help working on the songs, and he made it seem like he didn't want me to go to the studio at all. He called me later and sort of in a Steve way said I think I excluded you, so let me tell you what's going on. But he actually said "Where are you? Why aren't you here? I know I said that it is a one man job, but don't be a pussy! Come down!"
Now I had already started on another project and said I wouldn't make it. He was cool... He mentioned that he placed a bid on an Apple G4 so we can put Pro Tools on it and finish the album editing at home. We will be mixing it later at another place. I did get a new router installed at home for my parents. I also bought a wireless card for my sister. She was excited to have it. I also gave her a USB mouse for her to use with her laptop. I was totally a geek when I set the encryption on the network. Rich even called for help with his encryption. So I got that done. My dad gave me a priesthood blessing that night too. We do that every year before school starts. It is a tradition that I welcome. Many things were said in that blessing that got me thinking. I need to get my life back on track...
Oh and I left my window down last night and it rained. Fortunately it didn't rain much and I didn't have to sit on a wet seat all the way to work...
I'm also going to California... Hell yeah!
Last night was eventless, but good. Steve said he didn't need my help working on the songs, and he made it seem like he didn't want me to go to the studio at all. He called me later and sort of in a Steve way said I think I excluded you, so let me tell you what's going on. But he actually said "Where are you? Why aren't you here? I know I said that it is a one man job, but don't be a pussy! Come down!"
Now I had already started on another project and said I wouldn't make it. He was cool... He mentioned that he placed a bid on an Apple G4 so we can put Pro Tools on it and finish the album editing at home. We will be mixing it later at another place. I did get a new router installed at home for my parents. I also bought a wireless card for my sister. She was excited to have it. I also gave her a USB mouse for her to use with her laptop. I was totally a geek when I set the encryption on the network. Rich even called for help with his encryption. So I got that done. My dad gave me a priesthood blessing that night too. We do that every year before school starts. It is a tradition that I welcome. Many things were said in that blessing that got me thinking. I need to get my life back on track...
Oh and I left my window down last night and it rained. Fortunately it didn't rain much and I didn't have to sit on a wet seat all the way to work...
I'm also going to California... Hell yeah!
So they made the announcement of the year to day on X96. The X96 Big Ass Show is going to be September 24th. This year will be better than ever! My favorite band in the entire world since the fall of The Smashing Pumpkins is playing! Our Lady Peace is making their 3rd appearance at the Big Ass Show.
Here is the Line Up!:
The Used
Story of the Year
Our Lady Peace
MXPX
Cold
The Bravery
Rise Against
30 Seconds from Mars
All American Rejects
Hawthorne Heights
Hot Hot Heat
Kasabian
This is exciting for me. I go to this show every year, and I have a blast every year. Thanks for another great show!
Here is the Line Up!:
The Used
Story of the Year
Our Lady Peace
MXPX
Cold
The Bravery
Rise Against
30 Seconds from Mars
All American Rejects
Hawthorne Heights
Hot Hot Heat
Kasabian
This is exciting for me. I go to this show every year, and I have a blast every year. Thanks for another great show!
If they have me so figured out than why can't they give me the answers?
0 Comments Published by Kr5is on at 2:40 PM.
This is another Personality test brought to you by your friends at Colorgenics. Go test it out, but you may have to use Internet Explorer for it to work properly.... man I hate that browser.
Here is what they told me this time...
***
You are striving for a life full of activity and experience and, perhaps even more, an environment where you would be able to forge a close bond with a person who can offer full emotional fulfillment.
You want what you want and you need all that you want and, as they say in the movies, you are the sort of individual that 'By hook or by crook' you will, by fair means or foul, endeavor to get what you are looking for.
You give the impression that you are a self-sufficient individual, pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure. But this is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional person, one that may make hasty decisions and perhaps repent at leisure. It is time now perhaps to break the bond of detachment and become the real 'you' - the you that you would like to be.
You are feeling full of uncertainty and worrying over what you consider as missed opportunities. This is causing considerable stress and tension. You feel that there must be more to life than the constant pressures and anxieties - that surely life must hold far more opportunities than that which it has to date presented to you. You sincerely believe that there must be a simpler way to tap life's hidden recourses and should you be able to find that way - you could achieve your hearts desire. It's the not knowing 'how' that is affording you the constant worry. You are constantly probing and seeking - trying to ensure that at all times you are on your guard against missing any opportunity. 'Enough is enough'. You are anxious to avoid further setbacks. You are strenuously trying to make sure that you will not be overlooked and you badly need security.
The fear that you may not be able to fulfill or realize all of your ambitions makes you work and play hard. The thought of being prevented from achieving the things you want leads you to play your part with frantic fervor.
***
well you're never gonna find it
if you're looking for it
won't come your way
well you'll never find it
if you're looking for it
should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you
should've said something but I've said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste some time with you
Sucker love is heaven sent
You pucker up, our passion's spent
My hearts a tart, your body's rent
My body's broken, yours is bent
Carve your name into my arm
Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed
'Cause there's nothing else to do
Every me and every you
Sucker love, a box I choose
No other box I choose to use
Another love I would abuse
No circumstances could excuse
In the shape of things to come.
Too much poison come undone
'Cause there's nothing else to do
Every me and every you
Every me and every you
Every me, me
Sucker love is known to swing
Prone to cling and waste these things
Pucker up for heavens sake
There's never been so much at stake
I serve my head up on a plate
It's only comfort, calling late
'Cause there's nothing else to do
Every me and every you
Every me and every you
Every me, me
Every me and every you,
Every me, me
Like the naked leads the blind
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind
Sucker love I always find
Someone to bruise and leave behind
All alone in space and time
There's nothing here but what here's mine
Something borrowed, something blue
Every me and every you
Every me and every you
Every me, me
You pucker up, our passion's spent
My hearts a tart, your body's rent
My body's broken, yours is bent
Carve your name into my arm
Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed
'Cause there's nothing else to do
Every me and every you
Sucker love, a box I choose
No other box I choose to use
Another love I would abuse
No circumstances could excuse
In the shape of things to come.
Too much poison come undone
'Cause there's nothing else to do
Every me and every you
Every me and every you
Every me, me
Sucker love is known to swing
Prone to cling and waste these things
Pucker up for heavens sake
There's never been so much at stake
I serve my head up on a plate
It's only comfort, calling late
'Cause there's nothing else to do
Every me and every you
Every me and every you
Every me, me
Every me and every you,
Every me, me
Like the naked leads the blind
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind
Sucker love I always find
Someone to bruise and leave behind
All alone in space and time
There's nothing here but what here's mine
Something borrowed, something blue
Every me and every you
Every me and every you
Every me, me
It's my turn to be listened to...
1 Comments Published by Kr5is on Sunday, August 07, 2005 at 2:11 AM.
So you can all just take what I have to say and let me talk for a bit. I don't have anyone to turn to, so here it is on the internet for random strangers, and some not so random 'strangers' to read. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm in an un-repairable place. This life is meaningless to me and I want out... No more pain, no more joy no more nothing. I don't want to be conscious... I don't want to feel... I'm tired of everything, and I need out. But I can't commit that sin. I need help and I don't know where to get it. My family can't and my friends wont/can't, or are to preoccupied with their selves to notice I'm drowning. I'm invisible, and I need to know why. I'm unloved and I need to know why. I'm ignored and I need to know why. I need to know the stuff that hurts. I need to know how I'm thought of, and I need to have it proven. I have nothing to show for 23 years of growing, learning, working, sinning, praying, existing. I don't see it getting any better... I have been used more that my fair share, and it is about damn time someone give me some attention. Someone genuine, and real, and who wants to know and help me know who I am. I wish I knew these things... Can I be loved, and appreciated like I deserve? Or am I one of God's 'Sweet Spirits'? Someone who will go through this life not being able to experience these blessings and joys that ever single one of my friends and family members will enjoy. I don't want to be the single man that everyone feels sorry for, and secretly wonder what's wrong with me, or if I ever experienced at least a taste of the things that they will certainly enjoy. How am I going to meet her? How am I going to find her? Who is she? Does she exist? Nothing tells me that she does. Even if she did, how would I know, or how would I have the chance? It's hopeless...
A Decade Under The Influence...
0 Comments Published by Kr5is on Wednesday, August 03, 2005 at 11:12 AM.
I have been carrying extra baggage for a long time. It has been almost 12 years since I moved to Utah, and for the Last 10 years I have been depressed. Big and small things have happened to me that pull me up for a while, but overall I'm a very sad person. Till now that is... I'm done feeling sorry or inadequate. I have taken it all back and it's in my own hands now...
***
Sad, small, sweet, so delicate
We used to be this dying breed
I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about this
You kept still until the long drive home
You slept safe and close to the window...
I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about...
Who's to say you'll have to go (I could go all night)
Well say you'll have to go (I could go all...)
To hell with you and all your friends
To hell with you and all your friends, it's on
Sad, small, sure in porcelain
You're skin and bones, I'm a nervous wreck
I got a bad feeling about this (when it comes to this)
I got a bad feeling about this
You kept still until the long drive home
You slept safe and close to the window
I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about...
Who's to say you'll have to go (I could go all night)
Well say you'll have to go (I could go all...)
To hell with you and all your friends
To hell with you and all your friends, it's on
I got a bad feeling about this (what is this for?)
I got a bad feeling about...
Anyone will do tonight
Anyone will do tonight
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Anyone will do tonight
Anyone will do tonight
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Anyone (anyone) will do tonight
Anyone (anyone) will do tonight
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Well I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (to hell with you and all your friends, it's on).
I'm coming over but it never was enough
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about this (to hell with you and all your friends, it's on)
I'm coming over but it never was enough
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about this (to hell with you and all your friends, it's on)
I'm coming over but it never was enough,
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (in you...).
I'm coming over but it never was enough,
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (in you...).
I'm coming over but it never was enough
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (I am you)
I got a bad feeling about this (I am you)
I got a bad feeling about this (I am you)
I got a bad feeling about this (I am you)
I got it bad (I am you)
I got it bad
I got it bad
I got it bad
I got it bad
I got it bad
***
Sad, small, sweet, so delicate
We used to be this dying breed
I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about this
You kept still until the long drive home
You slept safe and close to the window...
I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about...
Who's to say you'll have to go (I could go all night)
Well say you'll have to go (I could go all...)
To hell with you and all your friends
To hell with you and all your friends, it's on
Sad, small, sure in porcelain
You're skin and bones, I'm a nervous wreck
I got a bad feeling about this (when it comes to this)
I got a bad feeling about this
You kept still until the long drive home
You slept safe and close to the window
I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about...
Who's to say you'll have to go (I could go all night)
Well say you'll have to go (I could go all...)
To hell with you and all your friends
To hell with you and all your friends, it's on
I got a bad feeling about this (what is this for?)
I got a bad feeling about...
Anyone will do tonight
Anyone will do tonight
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Anyone will do tonight
Anyone will do tonight
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Anyone (anyone) will do tonight
Anyone (anyone) will do tonight
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Well I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (to hell with you and all your friends, it's on).
I'm coming over but it never was enough
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about this (to hell with you and all your friends, it's on)
I'm coming over but it never was enough
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about this (to hell with you and all your friends, it's on)
I'm coming over but it never was enough,
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (in you...).
I'm coming over but it never was enough,
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (in you...).
I'm coming over but it never was enough
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (I am you)
I got a bad feeling about this (I am you)
I got a bad feeling about this (I am you)
I got a bad feeling about this (I am you)
I got it bad (I am you)
I got it bad
I got it bad
I got it bad
I got it bad
I got it bad
So my bishop told me he is waiting for me to say I'm ready, and he will arrange to be reinstated. This is cool to me. I had a good meeting with him yesterday, I was very tired and I felt a little bad that I was not so focused, but he told me he can feel it. I think in a month I will agree with him. When I get back from Colorado I will arrange the council. He talked about frame of mind, and how if we are doing our best to keep our minds pure that is all we need. So I'll be good spiritually in a month. This weekend was a little different. Jenna and I hung out on Friday, which was so cool, and it did a lot for me. Saturday I moved home and got settled. I took my brother Tyler and my sisters to Letherbea's after the move. It was cool to chill with them. On Sunday I went to play Settlers again with Jenna, Baker, Shauna, and Merrill. I had a blast. Which sort of leads me to what I want to talk about. I have not been myself about a certain situation, and I want to fix it. Merrill has been introduced into my circle of friends, and he has been since April. He has been friends with my friends for a while, but only recently did he become a 'member' of the circle. At first I was real skeptical about him and who he is. He seemed to be someone that I usually avoided being friends with. You know the kind, Rich, hansom, arrogant and vain. I have come to realize that I was wrong, but I wouldn't let myself like him... for other reasons... Jealousy. No longer did I feel important because my friends were always hanging out with them, while I dragged my feet, and then I was no longer invited to go with them, because I dragged my feet. That wasn't too bad because they always went dancing and I really suck at that, and would probably have come up with an excuse to save me the embarrassment. I as also jealous because he had the attention of someone that I wanted to pay attention to me. I acted like a 2 year old. My crush had a crush on someone else, and he was it. Not to mention I didn't feel like he or I deserved her in that respect, he didn't treat her well, and in some ways still doesn't. I was used to being last choice, but I never had to deal with it in this sort of situation. None of my past crushes have ever kept me around while the other guy was around, or wanted so desperately for us to get along. I have to be honest and say it was one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with. When that happens I compare myself to the other person and look for reasons why I wasn't the one she had feelings for. I would come up with my own reasons, I'm too fat or I'm not attractive. She told me it was because we were friends, but I never accepted that as the only reason. I didn't really have a desire to be with her at that time anyway. I value our friendship so much more, but the case still remained that I wanted to be friends with both of them, but it in a small way hurt. I kept being belligerent and stupid about the situation saying I didn't like him. She at one point mentioned to me in an argument that I didn't like him because he had and was what I wanted to be or have in my life. She was right and I hated it, she kept apologizing about saying it, but it didn't hurt, it was the truth. I created a lot of stress between me and my friend. I think I even could have lost her over this situation with the way I was acting. I had to step back and look at the reasons as to why I was acting so childish. I had been treating the person who (besides my family) has loved me the most, like crap. At that point I think I got better, but I still harbored some personal grudges against Merrill. I knew these feelings were dumb, and I knew I was the one at fault. Things died down for a while. Really till last night, when I got stupid again. I really respect Merrill as a friend, and a person. I may not like what he does with his relationships, but that is not my place. I called him 'gay' in front of Jenna and Shauna, both of whom respect and like him. I felt bad. I tried to apologize in the best way, but It didn't make me feel any better. Then Merrill pulled me aside. He told me that I'm a part of the group and that I need to come to his brother's bachelor party. I was happy to be thought of this way, and I was thrilled to know that he did think I was a friend. I don't know if he knows about my mistrust or hard feelings. I felt very horrible and I know I acted extremely poorly. I was not myself and I'm sorry. I think I realized this problem in time, and I will be able to start over. So that is probably the source of most of my sad times lately. I finally had the courage to post about it.
