Today was sort of a long one at work. I didn't get much sleep last night since cody got in. I met a few more people last night, and yes one was a girl. I didn't get her number this time, but I will be seeing her a lot this weekend. I finally got to bed at 2:30 then got up at 7 to get to work at 8. I got to work and found that I had to drive to Boulder again, and I was already running late. Boulder is cool. Colorado University is there, and it is a real neat town, but it is under a lot of construction now, which makes it tough to get through town. Especially when you aren't familiar with it. I had two appointments, the first one was the usual stuff, "My mouse doesn't work" or "Does my printer have to be on to print?" I laughed when I got in my truck. The second office is one I have already visited, but they are still a pain. They have an IT guy that locked us out of their server, but fortunately for my I am sneaky and know how to remote desktop to the server to a User that we managed to sneak in there. The guy is douche bag anyway, and really should leave that sort off stuff to people that understand Windows. I had to install a program that took 20 min on each machine. I was there for 3 hours. Good times. But no complaints, just usual stuff. Tomorrow I drive to Aspen at 6:00 AM. I have to be there at 10. For those of you who don't know where Aspen is or Denver for that matter here is a map!:
I stole this map from MapQuest which is cool, but I can't take the road that is highlighted. That would be a mountain pass and it is closed till May. I have to go to Glenwood Springs which is covered by the I-70 sign that I highlighted in Yellow. So yeah, my Friday looks long too. But the weekend is around the corner. Whatev, I'm looking forward to some think time with me and Brand New, and Thrice, and Veda, and pretty much everyone on my iPod.
I stole this map from MapQuest which is cool, but I can't take the road that is highlighted. That would be a mountain pass and it is closed till May. I have to go to Glenwood Springs which is covered by the I-70 sign that I highlighted in Yellow. So yeah, my Friday looks long too. But the weekend is around the corner. Whatev, I'm looking forward to some think time with me and Brand New, and Thrice, and Veda, and pretty much everyone on my iPod.
I almost feel sorry for what I'm gonna do.
1 Comments Published by Kr5is on Wednesday, March 29, 2006 at 6:10 PM.
With one or two I get used to the room
We go slow when we first make our moves
By five or six bring you out to the car
Number nine with my head on the bar
And it's sad, but true
Out of cash and I.O.U's
I've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans
My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent
Bring you back to the bar
Get you out of the cold
A sober, straight face gets you out of your clothes
And they're scared that we know
All the crimes they'll commit
Who they'll kiss before they get home
I will lie awake
Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
Let you fall for every empty word I say
Barely conscious in the door where you stand
Your eyes are fighting sleep while your mouth makes its demands
You laugh at every word trying hard to be cute
I almost feel sorry for what I'm going to do
And your hair smells of smoke
Who will cast the first stone?
You can sin or spend the night all alone
Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold
In the shape of a heart that they cut out of stone
You're using all your looks that you've thrown from the start
If you let me have my way I swear I'll tear you apart
Cause it's all you can be
You're a drunk and you're scared
It's ladies night, all the girls drink for free
I will lie awake
And lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
Let you fall for every empty word I say
***
I don't think I'll explain this song right now. I don't think I have the energy or the desire to go over those feelings again. It really isn't a literal lyric for how I feel, but the tone puts me in a place where I feel a lot of hard emotions to deal with. I thought everything was okay until today. Something hit me hard, but whatever when I have the energy I promise to tell you. I have renewed a friendship that is really helping me a lot being here in Colorado. I met a few people the other night one being a female. I'm afraid though, I have a crush and I have only met her once. I got her number though which is more than I usually do. My friend Dave tells me I need to just be confident. I look back at the beginning of relationships I have had or almost had, and they all stemmed from my confidence. Let's get that back. And we'll see what happens. I have been playing the guitar a lot lately too. I am going to try and write an entire solo album. These songs will be 100% mine. We'll see how it turns out. My cousin Cody will be here tonight, I'm stoked to be able to spend some time with him. I'm flying back to Utah next weekend, to take care of a few things, and I think maybe cut some loose ends that are keeping me back. All for now.
We go slow when we first make our moves
By five or six bring you out to the car
Number nine with my head on the bar
And it's sad, but true
Out of cash and I.O.U's
I've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans
My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent
Bring you back to the bar
Get you out of the cold
A sober, straight face gets you out of your clothes
And they're scared that we know
All the crimes they'll commit
Who they'll kiss before they get home
I will lie awake
Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
Let you fall for every empty word I say
Barely conscious in the door where you stand
Your eyes are fighting sleep while your mouth makes its demands
You laugh at every word trying hard to be cute
I almost feel sorry for what I'm going to do
And your hair smells of smoke
Who will cast the first stone?
You can sin or spend the night all alone
Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold
In the shape of a heart that they cut out of stone
You're using all your looks that you've thrown from the start
If you let me have my way I swear I'll tear you apart
Cause it's all you can be
You're a drunk and you're scared
It's ladies night, all the girls drink for free
I will lie awake
And lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
Let you fall for every empty word I say
***
I don't think I'll explain this song right now. I don't think I have the energy or the desire to go over those feelings again. It really isn't a literal lyric for how I feel, but the tone puts me in a place where I feel a lot of hard emotions to deal with. I thought everything was okay until today. Something hit me hard, but whatever when I have the energy I promise to tell you. I have renewed a friendship that is really helping me a lot being here in Colorado. I met a few people the other night one being a female. I'm afraid though, I have a crush and I have only met her once. I got her number though which is more than I usually do. My friend Dave tells me I need to just be confident. I look back at the beginning of relationships I have had or almost had, and they all stemmed from my confidence. Let's get that back. And we'll see what happens. I have been playing the guitar a lot lately too. I am going to try and write an entire solo album. These songs will be 100% mine. We'll see how it turns out. My cousin Cody will be here tonight, I'm stoked to be able to spend some time with him. I'm flying back to Utah next weekend, to take care of a few things, and I think maybe cut some loose ends that are keeping me back. All for now.
Everybody knows, It sucks to grow up.
7 Comments Published by Kr5is on Saturday, March 25, 2006 at 9:38 AM.
So things are good. I don't know who really reads this on a regular basis, but I'm not going to hide anything anymore. This is for me and me alone. If my friends read it then great, they should know me better than a blog anyway. I don't say that because I want to share some new feelings or thoughts, but I hate it when I sit down to write and then try and consider the people who read this and might be embarrassed. I'm sorry if I do this to any of you in the future, but like I said. It's mine.
Mix the chemicals right dear,
Mix the chemicals right,
Yeah the margin of error is slight.
Mix the chemicals right dear
Mix the chemicals right,
Yeah you know that you could, Save my life.
There, Is a risk,
There's a risk when your dealing with love.
You could snap my neck.
Any speed you drive, Can be dangerous.
Mix the chemicals right dear,
Mix the chemicals right,
Yeah you know there's a fine line between.
Mix the chemicals right dear
Mix the chemicals right,
yeah you know what betrayal can mean.
When this frame fails me,
Will I trust you to carry me through?
I know there's no such thing, As safety.
But I know what a promise can do.
Will I trust you,
Will I trust you to carry me through?
I will trust you,
'Cause I know what a promise can do...
So since I last wrote a lot has gone on in my world. Krista's plane landed on Wednesday night. I picked her up from the airport and then we went to dinner at a place called Stalions. It was real good. On Thursday I worked a half day and then I spent the rest of the day dragging Krista around Colorado. We went to Castle Rock and to Highlands Ranch, we saw the movie 'V for Vendetta' which is freaking awesome! I was way impressed with it, very 1984 meets The Matrix, meets Nazi Germany. Awesome go see it! After that we went to The Melting Pot in Littleton, good times as always at the Pot. Krista burned the tips of her fingers on the fondue pot though, she's fine just felt dumb. We got home at about midnight that night. Yesterday I worked a half day, just two appointments. After I was off work I did the coolest thing ever. I went and saw a taping of 3 Wheel of Fortune shows in Denver. They will be aired on May 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Check it out. You wont see me though, I don't recall a camera ever being on me. We then drove up to Boulder and met some of Krista's cousins there. They took us to a Sushi bar that was the best sushi I have ever had. If you come visit me we will be going! I had so much sushi that I was falling asleep trying to digest it all. Good times. Today seems to be exciting. Tiffany and her brother Adam and her sister Marla (all of who are my cousins) are coming up to chill with us. We're going to go see an exhibit at the museum called Body World. Click here to see what it is. I'm so excited, after that the night I have been looking forward to for 2 months now. I get to see Thrice, my favorite band... mmmm... I think I have developed an unhealthy love affair with them. The lyrics I posted earlier are from them, but I didn't post them because it's Thrice, I posted them because it fits the story for a few friendships I lost in the last weeks. I know that I am still friends with all of you, but... 600 miles is a long way away. I plan to come visit sometime soon, but sadly it's just a visit. I can't fake that it will be okay for some of us anymore. I miss every one of you dearly. I hope to see all of you soon. If you read this, please just comment, even if it's just a ":-)". I would like to know who reads this.
-Kr5is
Mix the chemicals right dear,
Mix the chemicals right,
Yeah the margin of error is slight.
Mix the chemicals right dear
Mix the chemicals right,
Yeah you know that you could, Save my life.
There, Is a risk,
There's a risk when your dealing with love.
You could snap my neck.
Any speed you drive, Can be dangerous.
Mix the chemicals right dear,
Mix the chemicals right,
Yeah you know there's a fine line between.
Mix the chemicals right dear
Mix the chemicals right,
yeah you know what betrayal can mean.
When this frame fails me,
Will I trust you to carry me through?
I know there's no such thing, As safety.
But I know what a promise can do.
Will I trust you,
Will I trust you to carry me through?
I will trust you,
'Cause I know what a promise can do...
So since I last wrote a lot has gone on in my world. Krista's plane landed on Wednesday night. I picked her up from the airport and then we went to dinner at a place called Stalions. It was real good. On Thursday I worked a half day and then I spent the rest of the day dragging Krista around Colorado. We went to Castle Rock and to Highlands Ranch, we saw the movie 'V for Vendetta' which is freaking awesome! I was way impressed with it, very 1984 meets The Matrix, meets Nazi Germany. Awesome go see it! After that we went to The Melting Pot in Littleton, good times as always at the Pot. Krista burned the tips of her fingers on the fondue pot though, she's fine just felt dumb. We got home at about midnight that night. Yesterday I worked a half day, just two appointments. After I was off work I did the coolest thing ever. I went and saw a taping of 3 Wheel of Fortune shows in Denver. They will be aired on May 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Check it out. You wont see me though, I don't recall a camera ever being on me. We then drove up to Boulder and met some of Krista's cousins there. They took us to a Sushi bar that was the best sushi I have ever had. If you come visit me we will be going! I had so much sushi that I was falling asleep trying to digest it all. Good times. Today seems to be exciting. Tiffany and her brother Adam and her sister Marla (all of who are my cousins) are coming up to chill with us. We're going to go see an exhibit at the museum called Body World. Click here to see what it is. I'm so excited, after that the night I have been looking forward to for 2 months now. I get to see Thrice, my favorite band... mmmm... I think I have developed an unhealthy love affair with them. The lyrics I posted earlier are from them, but I didn't post them because it's Thrice, I posted them because it fits the story for a few friendships I lost in the last weeks. I know that I am still friends with all of you, but... 600 miles is a long way away. I plan to come visit sometime soon, but sadly it's just a visit. I can't fake that it will be okay for some of us anymore. I miss every one of you dearly. I hope to see all of you soon. If you read this, please just comment, even if it's just a ":-)". I would like to know who reads this.
-Kr5is
So everything is still moving along. Work is cool. I miss my friends a lot, more than I expected, but I think I'm getting by. It was a comfort to go to church and not feel like an alien. I met a few people, but I hate how limited people's interest is. They don't see beyond church attendance numbers. But whatev, I'll keep going, and doing what I need to. I think I'll set an appointment with my bishop. I need to get to know him. It snowed about 8 inches last night and I had to Colo Spgs (Colorado Springs) today. An office had a blade system setup. If you don't know what that is just know that they are retarded, don't cool properly, and burn up before you pay off the debt you occurred purchasing it. I'm about to get all geeky now so stay with me. The Blade system is where you have one central location where all your computers are. The server and the clients. The computers are modular and are on long boards that slide into the tower. You run a CAT5 to the different locations that you want the computer from that tower. Then an interface called a cube sits there where you plug in all the accessories printers, keyboard, monitor, etc. Well this office today had the cooling fan on the back of the tower stop. Most likely it has been that way for a week or so. The modules could not connect to the cubes anymore thus their computers were down. Fortunately they just purchased a whole bunch of new machines from us to have installed next week sometime. This will be one of my offices though, and it was nice to meet them. I managed to get at least one machine up and going so they can at least enter info for their patients. Krista flies in on Wednesday, and I bought the tickets for the concert today. I can't wait. Thrice, Deftones, Dredge and Story of the Year all in the same show. That is hot. I just might need some time to be alone now.
So This will be the second time I typed this because the damned IE browser on my work computer F-ed up and deleted all I typed. Needless to say this will be shorter.
The move is over, sort of. I still don't have permanent housing. I have been looking online and as much as I can in the paper, but I'm just getting frustrated. I'm sure it will happen soon enough. I got here on Saturday morning at about 6 AM. I got to chill with Jenna all of Saturday and Sunday. It was nice to get to hang out with her for the last few days. On Saturday we went to my aunt Jodi's 40th birthday party. I got to see all my family from my mom's side. Plus my mom and sister were there for the party. They flew home on Sunday, and I'm glad I got to say goodbye. Sunday I went to the singles ward and had my records transferred from my old one. It was real intimidating to be there, and I don't think it will be easy to make friends there. But I will try anyway. Sunday night I spent a lot of time with Jason and Sarah, Jenna's sister and brother-in-law. They are so cool, and I had a blast. I said my goodbyes to Jenna which was my last of all of them. I am glad to have that over, it was hard to say to everyone, but it's done. I'm glad I made it home that night. You try and drive when your eyes are gushing like sink, and you can't breathe. I don't think I have ever cried so hard, but it was over before to long. I made a promise not to cry about it anymore, it would just get harder and harder to move on.
I started work on Monday, and I have had a blast. I can't believe it is Thursday already. They automatically trust me here, which is something I'm not used too. Especially after working for Dentrix. My boss, Tom, met with me and gave me a new Cell Phone, and Tablet PC, and offered me a Truck. Holy crap! That is awesome. He put me to work with another guy named Tom who has the same responsibilities that I do. We have been visiting about 3 offices a day. I found out that I don't ever have to pay for restorative dental as long as I work here. We trade work with an office in Denver. We fix service and provide Computers, and they provide us with Dental. I'll probably have a crown done on 2 of my teeth before too long. I'll have health insurance in 90 days, and I'm being treated really well. I love my job, and it is getting less and less intimidating as the days go by. I got to talk with Krista today, she is coming out to visit next Wednesday. Her birthday is Thrusday and we're gong to celebrate. I need a friend and it's good that see is coming out here, cause I think I need a hug. I still feel like I'm swimming in the deep end of the pool, and my feet can't touch the ground. I hope I can keep up and stay afloat. I'm starting to believe I can though.
The move is over, sort of. I still don't have permanent housing. I have been looking online and as much as I can in the paper, but I'm just getting frustrated. I'm sure it will happen soon enough. I got here on Saturday morning at about 6 AM. I got to chill with Jenna all of Saturday and Sunday. It was nice to get to hang out with her for the last few days. On Saturday we went to my aunt Jodi's 40th birthday party. I got to see all my family from my mom's side. Plus my mom and sister were there for the party. They flew home on Sunday, and I'm glad I got to say goodbye. Sunday I went to the singles ward and had my records transferred from my old one. It was real intimidating to be there, and I don't think it will be easy to make friends there. But I will try anyway. Sunday night I spent a lot of time with Jason and Sarah, Jenna's sister and brother-in-law. They are so cool, and I had a blast. I said my goodbyes to Jenna which was my last of all of them. I am glad to have that over, it was hard to say to everyone, but it's done. I'm glad I made it home that night. You try and drive when your eyes are gushing like sink, and you can't breathe. I don't think I have ever cried so hard, but it was over before to long. I made a promise not to cry about it anymore, it would just get harder and harder to move on.
I started work on Monday, and I have had a blast. I can't believe it is Thursday already. They automatically trust me here, which is something I'm not used too. Especially after working for Dentrix. My boss, Tom, met with me and gave me a new Cell Phone, and Tablet PC, and offered me a Truck. Holy crap! That is awesome. He put me to work with another guy named Tom who has the same responsibilities that I do. We have been visiting about 3 offices a day. I found out that I don't ever have to pay for restorative dental as long as I work here. We trade work with an office in Denver. We fix service and provide Computers, and they provide us with Dental. I'll probably have a crown done on 2 of my teeth before too long. I'll have health insurance in 90 days, and I'm being treated really well. I love my job, and it is getting less and less intimidating as the days go by. I got to talk with Krista today, she is coming out to visit next Wednesday. Her birthday is Thrusday and we're gong to celebrate. I need a friend and it's good that see is coming out here, cause I think I need a hug. I still feel like I'm swimming in the deep end of the pool, and my feet can't touch the ground. I hope I can keep up and stay afloat. I'm starting to believe I can though.
just like you said it would be.
So tonight I am saying goodbye to her. I don't know what to say or do, I have been trying not to think about it. I have been crying all weekend. I think I hid it from her pretty well, but I don't think I can tonight. This post is for you. I am going to miss you so much, and I know you will too. You have kept me together for so long, and you have been so supportive that I have no way to repay the debt. You notice when I'm not around. It has been my privilege to call you my best friend, and I really am sorry for all the shit I have dealt you. I want you to be happy, and more than anyone I have met you deserve it. I really hope we can remain close, but I don't know anyone that does in our situation. My fear is to not be a part of your life when we are old and falling apart. I hope our spouses understand our connection and allow us to be friends. You are something special friend. I love you.
Kr5is
So tonight I am saying goodbye to her. I don't know what to say or do, I have been trying not to think about it. I have been crying all weekend. I think I hid it from her pretty well, but I don't think I can tonight. This post is for you. I am going to miss you so much, and I know you will too. You have kept me together for so long, and you have been so supportive that I have no way to repay the debt. You notice when I'm not around. It has been my privilege to call you my best friend, and I really am sorry for all the shit I have dealt you. I want you to be happy, and more than anyone I have met you deserve it. I really hope we can remain close, but I don't know anyone that does in our situation. My fear is to not be a part of your life when we are old and falling apart. I hope our spouses understand our connection and allow us to be friends. You are something special friend. I love you.
Kr5is
Here we are. 14 months after starting this blog, and tonight is a night to remember. It's the last one in Utah. I have spent most of the day packing. I took some time to have lunch with my brother and his family. I took a lot of pictures of his kids. They are so cool! Then I got to go have Sushi with Arielle, I haven't seen her in a very long time. It was so good to see her, I can't even begin to tell you how nice that was. She stopped returning phone calls in October. I saw her as I was leaving the Thrice concert in Salt Lake, but I was too drunk to talk. I thought she stopped talking to me because of that, but I was wrong. There was a lot going on. She is due to have a baby in a few months, May to be exact. She understandably went into a cave and seldom surfaced. Her phone was disconnected after a while, and I thought she was dead. I found out I was wrong when I ran into her at a restaurant where we were both going to celebrate our birthdays that night. A month later and I'm heading to Denver, and I got to see her. I adore her, and hope the best for her. I tried to pack some more, but no luck, I couldn't sit still.
I was going to go out with Christena tonight, and we did, but it was hard to imagine what was going to happen. She flat out asked me to marry her on Friday of last week. I was very flattered, but I can't marry her. She doesn't want to be a Mormon. A few years a go that wouldn't have mattered to me, but now it does. I don't say that because I don't think she is worthy of me, that is dead last in all reasons, but I say that because I don't want it to be harder than it already is to go to church and follow what I know is right. I can't step into a role where I play God's advocate to her, while she constantly fights. I know that it would be that way. All that aside, I felt like a dick for not treating her question with the right response. I said it would be fun and that we would have to see. Now in my experience with women I thought that would be a good response, but NOOOOOOOO! I was dead wrong, and I hurt her more that I think she tells me. I mean I'm moving to Denver, I'm a mess as far as my emotions go, and my feelings are a lot stronger for someone else. Not that she knows that last part, but still. I can't think about what could, or what if or anything now. I'm turning my back on my world tomorrow morning and I am waving goodbye. What did she expect? We managed to talk it over and I apologized for my lack of attention, and I asked her if we could see where we are in a year. I hope she softens up, and makes some different choices. That is a lot about her, and I will have to write more later, there are other things I want to cover.
I was going through some boxes of things that were still packed from the last time I moved. I found a broken shoe box full of pictures that I decided to go through. (I have OCD when it comes to moving and everything has to be labeled so I can find it later) Looking through the pictures transported me to each moment where they were taken. I saw my birthday party at the SCERA that Sarah threw for me. All the smells and energy from that night was there. Homecoming my Junior year, and how bad I looked wearing a Bugs Bunny tie, with corduroy slacks on. Going to Prom with Christena, and then the next year with Krista. Homecoming with Sarah, Ali was all dressed up, and Amber looked awesome, not to mention my date. That was an awesome night too. I found a lot of pictures of my crew at the SCERA. Talus and Steve when they tore down the old paint shed, and back when I had a hat that said BONG on it. I found pictures of when my band first played. I had beached blonde hair, which was really stupid looking, but it was still me. I have a lot to remember and be grateful for. If you are reading this then you have impacted my life in one way or another, and in return I hope I have impacted you. Anything else would be pointless. I love you, whoever you are. And I will see you soon.
-Kr5is
"The 5 is sil5ent"
I was going to go out with Christena tonight, and we did, but it was hard to imagine what was going to happen. She flat out asked me to marry her on Friday of last week. I was very flattered, but I can't marry her. She doesn't want to be a Mormon. A few years a go that wouldn't have mattered to me, but now it does. I don't say that because I don't think she is worthy of me, that is dead last in all reasons, but I say that because I don't want it to be harder than it already is to go to church and follow what I know is right. I can't step into a role where I play God's advocate to her, while she constantly fights. I know that it would be that way. All that aside, I felt like a dick for not treating her question with the right response. I said it would be fun and that we would have to see. Now in my experience with women I thought that would be a good response, but NOOOOOOOO! I was dead wrong, and I hurt her more that I think she tells me. I mean I'm moving to Denver, I'm a mess as far as my emotions go, and my feelings are a lot stronger for someone else. Not that she knows that last part, but still. I can't think about what could, or what if or anything now. I'm turning my back on my world tomorrow morning and I am waving goodbye. What did she expect? We managed to talk it over and I apologized for my lack of attention, and I asked her if we could see where we are in a year. I hope she softens up, and makes some different choices. That is a lot about her, and I will have to write more later, there are other things I want to cover.
I was going through some boxes of things that were still packed from the last time I moved. I found a broken shoe box full of pictures that I decided to go through. (I have OCD when it comes to moving and everything has to be labeled so I can find it later) Looking through the pictures transported me to each moment where they were taken. I saw my birthday party at the SCERA that Sarah threw for me. All the smells and energy from that night was there. Homecoming my Junior year, and how bad I looked wearing a Bugs Bunny tie, with corduroy slacks on. Going to Prom with Christena, and then the next year with Krista. Homecoming with Sarah, Ali was all dressed up, and Amber looked awesome, not to mention my date. That was an awesome night too. I found a lot of pictures of my crew at the SCERA. Talus and Steve when they tore down the old paint shed, and back when I had a hat that said BONG on it. I found pictures of when my band first played. I had beached blonde hair, which was really stupid looking, but it was still me. I have a lot to remember and be grateful for. If you are reading this then you have impacted my life in one way or another, and in return I hope I have impacted you. Anything else would be pointless. I love you, whoever you are. And I will see you soon.
-Kr5is
"The 5 is sil5ent"
So as sort of a last chance to do this thing I will be broadcasting on the radio tonight on KOHS 91.7. I used to be the music director there, and decided to do a broadcast before I go to Colorado.
If you missed me on the radio before take a listen to me now.
If you missed me on the radio before take a listen to me now.
Lets see a lot has happened since I last gave you something to read. I saw West Side Story two weeks ago and my friend Melissa was in it. I adore that girl, she has always had a hug and a smile ready every time I see her. If you know me at all you may know that West Side is my favorite musical of all time. I don't know why but I tend to admire and love the things that can rip your heart out. All of my favorite movies are ones that make you feel so sorry for the characters involved, Shawshank Redemption, Braveheart, American Beauty, I love all these titles, and even musicals. West Side Story, Les Miserables and Children of Eden are from what I remember the only musicals that ever made me cry. Wait Phantom did too, but they are mostly tragedies. Either way this version of West Side Story was no different. The second act is so powerful and meaningful, it will bring me to tears every time I see it. After the show Melissa invited me to a party at her house the next night, which I was so excited to go to. I went over there and got to see and take some pictures of a lot of people I miss already. Melissa Thorne, Melissa Lindsay, Sarah, and Amanda. It was so awesome to see them and get to sort of say goodbye. I don't think they know but the two Melissas have always been an inspiration to me, and helped me find a good balance between living in the world and living of the world. I also got to go have dinner and talk with my second dad Dave Whitlock, that was something I will always remember. I don't remember much else about that weekend accept for a drive Jenna and I took. We went up by the Sundance resort and talked about the church and my relationship with God. I was being belligerent. (sorry) But she was right, as she usually always is. I took Monday off work, and did nothing. It was cool. My last day wasn't hard for me, I had an exit interview and gave them my thoughts on how poorly support is being dealt with. Then it was over. I cleaned out my desk, made some copies of the DTX software... Shhhh... and left. This has sort of turned in to an order of events post, but it's not that at all. I didn't do anything the rest of the week really. I went Scuba Diving on Friday and Saturday this last weekend, and I am now certified as a Scuba Diver. Hells yes! Saturday night Jenna and her roommate were gracious enough to let a lot of people come over for a party I was throwing. Jenna and I spent 110 dollars total on the party but it was well worth it. Everyone came, and it was a better opportunity to say "until next time" to a lot of people. My hero Cody was in town, he's my cousin as well as a hero, I loved talking with him and all his friends. Roberto helped me cook, Brandon and his daughter Serenity came. All walks of life all who have influenced me in one way or another were all in the same room. Those are the events, now here are the feeling behind them. I have never had a better friend than Jenna, yeah I get frustrated at her at times, but it has nothing to do with our friendship, it's me being a stupid male. She has done so much for me as a friend, these things have only began materializing into view for me to see. I will miss her the most. I look forward to seeing her in May or April when her mom goes to Denver. Christena, now that is a whole set of weird mixed and hard emotions for me to understand. I love that girl so much, but I can't be with her. 8 years of friendship, love, and trust isn't enough to go off of. She isn't the one I really want to be with, even though I think it sometimes. I really wish she would find her roots in faith again. I want to be a Mormon, and she doesn't. She says that may change in time, but I can't trade my salvation for a maybe. She would kill me if I said that to her, so I don't. I hope I'm not stringing her along, but in the end I think I am. I need to tell her. She is coming to Denver in April to see me. Should I wait till then? No, that would be rude, and selfish or cowardly. I know there are a lot of things to look forward to in the years to come, but I can't see them. I really try and see past the brick wall that will hit me when I put Jenna on the airplane one week from today.... and say goodbye. I know there is so much I can still do here, but will it limit my potential elsewhere. I don't know what to do, or who to ask for a shoulder to cry on, and hold me for a few min. I have to remain positive though. Thanks for reading my life. Tell me do you want to hear this?
